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Show your girl some respect first.
By Life Counseling Solutions — Written on Mar 05, 2019
In today's culture, relationships are surrounded by mixed messages about respect. Listen closely to the lyrics of songs on your playlist, take notice of what you see on the big screen, and keenly observe what you read and see on social media when it comes to healthy relationships.
It makes sense that so many people in society are confused by these mixed messages.
Respect is essential in healthy relationships. However, many relationships today struggle in this department.
As a psychotherapist, one of the chief complaints I hear from men is that their significant other doesn't treat them with respect or makes them feel emasculated and they feel defeated by this.
If you feel disrespected as a man, it can be tempting to try and demand respect by raising your voice, trying to control your girlfriend’s every move, or even retreating and shutting down. But, these actions will not get you the results you want for the long haul.
At times, you may feel like you can’t get it right or that you are always walking on eggshells.
What are the signs of a healthy relationship?
Relationships are a two-way street and both parties need to treat the other with respect no matter what. Maybe your girlfriend needs a lesson on how to act respectfully or it could be time for you to self-reflect on your own actions to determine how to be a better boyfriend.
Here are 6 tips to learn how to have a healthy relationship and treat your girlfriend right so that she respects you more.
1. Respond to her
Attention is the oxygen of a relationship. If you find yourself in an argument with your significant other and she is saddened or angry about something you said or did, validate her feelings to help her feel understood.
Say something like: "It makes sense to me that you feel hurt and disappointed about me canceling our date for Saturday night."
This is easier said than done but validation is key to helping your girlfriend feel understood and respected. You may not agree with your girlfriend, but you can validate her feelings, which is her truth.
2. Celebrate and defend her
Never cut down your girlfriend, publicly or privately. Women feel respected and loved when their boyfriends defend them, especially in front of others.
Show her that you are proud of her by telling others about her accomplishments, what she does well and, most importantly, who she is as a person. Build her up by encouraging her and communicating to her and to others what you enjoy and celebrate in her.
3. Communicate, honestly
Use an "I" statement to express how you feel. Yes, you need to come to terms with the "f" word! This means that if she says or does something to make you angry or hurt you, state how her words or actions impact your feelings.
For example, you can say, "I feel disrespected and hurt when you raise your voice and call me names." Don’t be afraid to talk about what is true and real.
Also, state your opinions openly and honestly. Don’t agree with her just to agree. Women respect a man who has opinions about whatever the topic might be from current events to favorite toppings on his pizza. People who don't have their own opinions often end up in unhealthy relationships.
4. Be reliable
Be reliable by being punctual, which shows her that you respect her time. Women respect a man who is where he says he is going to be and on time. If you are habitually late, you don’t respect her or her time.
Also, to show her that you respect her, respond promptly to her calls and text messages. If you can’t talk when she calls, let her know when you are available to chat and don’t leave her hanging for long periods of time.
5. Be decisive
Women respect men who make firm decisions and stick to them. For example, be decisive about where you are going and what you are doing on dates. Many women dislike when a man asks her what she wants to do on a Friday night. Do a little research, come up with a clear and fun plan, and follow through on it.
One of my former roommates came home from a first date and she was ecstatic to tell me all about it. She explained that the guy had planned this simple but creative date and she was blown away by his thought to detail and confidence.
6. Don’t be controlling
A controlling man can be a huge turn off for women. It’s OK to state your preferences, but if you try to control what she does, where she goes, and what she wears, you will push her away, and she will not respect you for it.
I once dated a guy who tried to tell me how to wear my hair and we would get into arguments over it on a regular basis. Quite shockingly (insert sarcasm), the relationship didn't last.
Emotions are a compass, and they communicate what matters, who you are, and what you need.
If you feel that you continuously respect and love your girlfriend well and she still disrespects and emasculates you, it might be time to seek help from a professional, who can help both of you establish clear boundaries and better communicate with one another.
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Allison Petro is a licensed mental health counselor at Life Counseling Solutions specializing in helping women recover and heal to become happier and healthier people. To learn more or schedule an appointment, visit Life Counseling Solutions or stay connected to receive advice and tips by signing up for the LCS newsletter.
This article was originally published at Life Counseling Solutions. Reprinted with permission from the author.