You can enjoy dating again, even if bad dates and experiences have been bringing you down.
By Janet Ong Zimmerman — Written on Nov 14, 2013
Most of us have experienced the upsides and downsides of dating. If you've had great experiences with dating, you'll no doubt think it's wonderful, it's easy, there are many good men out there, and it's just a matter of time before you meet "the one".
If most of your dating experiences have been painful, you'll tend to take things personally. Each painful experience will reinforce beliefs that dating is hard, there are no good men out there, I'm running out of time, and "woe is me". For most women, me included at one time, dating seems to become more difficult with age and experience.
There were moments when dating was difficult, exhausting and unfulfilling for me. Trying to push through these moments by continuing to date only reinforced the negative feelings that were building up inside of me. Finally, I took a break from dating. During my hiatus, I realized that I was actually making my dating life harder than it needed to be.
Why Dating Seems Difficult
- I believed that dating was hard, exhausting and unfulfilling, which perpetuated the cycle of dismal experiences. From this belief, I attracted men and dates that weren't right for me, missed red flags, and felt skeptical about ever finding true love.
- I unintentionally put myself out there in ways that didn't allow me to shine. For instance, I did things that were uncomfortable to me and weren't true to who I was, in hopes that certain men would approve of and like me.
- I had sex too soon with a guy I really liked and hoped things would turn into more. Instead, we had a short-term fling and when things ended, I felt used and bad about myself.
- I dated guys who were "good enough" because I wasn't sure if I would ever meet a great man. Deep inside, I didn't think I deserved someone better and in many instances, settled for less.
- I was a victim of my dating life at times when I asked, "Why is this happening to me?" This kept me stuck, and wishing things were different instead of seeing things as they were. I wasn't able to see that everything was happening for my greater good, and that I could actually learn and grow from these difficult experiences.
- I unknowingly stood in my own way by carrying the baggage of negative energy and unresolved issues into future encounters. While I may have tried to conceal my negative energy, sooner or later, this energy came out and attracted men who weren't right for me.
- I was looking to meet the right man instead of first being the right woman. Instead of asking, "Am I the right woman for the type of man I want to attract?", I believed I was a good catch. This kept me from realizing that even a good catch has some inner work to do in order to be the right woman for the right man.
If you're experiencing any or all of the above-mentioned situations, you may be feeling frustrated and helpless. It's okay if you feel this way. If I was able to change my dating life for the better, I know you can too. Here's how to start enjoying your dating life again... Keep reading...
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