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Are all men wired to cheat?
By Jane Garapick — Last updated on Dec 11, 2023
Wouldn’t it be great to have a crystal ball that would allow you to see into the future and know whether or not he’s going to cheat on you? With the unfortunate reality being that 55% of divorces cite cheating as one of the causes, it’s clearly one of the most common reasons marriages split.
Until one of us finds that crystal ball (and please share if you do), it helps to understand the reasons men cheat, and from there you’ll have a much better chance of avoiding that kind of heartbreak down the road.
So why, exactly, do men cheat? Especially when it seems like everything’s going so well?
All too often we blame ourselves, and when everything's done we feel like there's something wrong with us. Well, the good news is that it’s not you — it’s him.
While both men and women cheat (although they don’t always agree on what exactly constitutes cheating), men typically cheat for very different reasons — but remember: none of these are your fault.
Here are 7 sad-but-true reasons men decide to cheat on you:
1. He has too many opportunities
He’s the guy you’ve always dreamed of. He’s confident. He’s charming. He’s good-looking (or at least not bad-looking).
Bottom line: he’s got lots of opportunities.
Often he’s the one being approached. It’s not so much that he was out looking to cheat, but when something's right there for the taking ... well, it’s hard for most men to say no.
2. He's seeking intimacy
You've got him cornered and he’s pleading for forgiveness, saying it meant nothing to him and it was only intimacy. Guess what? He’s being honest.
For men, it is about the intimacy.
According to a 2011 study by psychologist Barry Kuhle, when confronted with a cheating partner women generally wanted to know if their partner was in love with the other woman, whereas men wanted to know specifics about the actual act itself.
Bottom line: Men like intimacy. A lot.
3. He cheats because he can
Today, more than ever, there are lots of women who are more than willing to help me cheat. Women cheat nearly as often as men. Even websites like Ashley Madison and Affairs Club make it very easy to pull off affairs (and keep it very discreet).
The other woman is only a click away, and there are plenty of them.
4. He wants to be intimate with other women
It’s pretty much considered common wisdom that men are biologically wired to want to mate with lots of different women.
Men want to spread their seed. It's a biological truth. Men also love the chase and want to conquer. Often it’s just to see if they can get her in bed — the classic “notch on the bedpost” situation.
Unfortunately, they don't grow out of it.
5. He knows he’ll probably get away with it
Or at least you’ll forgive him.
This is especially true if you’ve caught him in a few “little white lies” before and you’ve let him get away with it. It’s a slippery slope, and if he knows that you’ll forgive him for that small indiscretion, then he’s likely to try something bigger (or at least feel like he’s got a good chance at being forgiven).
And if he’s cheated on you (or a past partner) before, it’s much more likely that he’ll cheat again.
6. You’re not right for each other
We all get into relationships for various reasons, and most often it’s what we believe is a “spark”, or chemistry that makes us feel like we just “know” he’s the one.
But the truth is that these feelings are usually just a mixture of our programming, insecurities, and anxiety masked as “butterflies.” We want to tame that bad boy. We want to reign in the womanizer.
Yes, real ladies men are very magnetic (as most of us know all too well), but remember, he’s had a lot of ladies, and it’s a really hard habit to break.
7. His friends are cheaters
His friends do it, and they’re good guys, right? Maybe his dad did it, and he’ll always look up to Dad. The more he’s surrounded by people who have cheated, the more “normal” (and thus acceptable to his moral system) it becomes.
While these are all possible reasons a man might turn to cheat, it doesn’t mean that every guy that fits any or all of these is cruising Ashley Madison while you’re sleeping. But, as always, knowing what to look out for can go a long way.
And the best way to keep him from straying?
Always do your part to keep your relationship healthy. Then make sure you’re living and loving your own very best life (just in case).
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Jane Garapick is a dating and relationship coach, author, and founder of Getting to True Love. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment to women on their journey to find true love.