How To Know If You're Making Love Or Just Having Sex

Of course there's a difference between having sex and making love.

Many men can only have sex. The minute they feel love, it unconsciously turns them off. Sex thrives on newness, on the unexplored. Love lasts, and it takes into consideration who the person you're with truly is.

Making love requires polarity. Too much equality dulls intimacy. Two equal individuals can have sex. However, they rarely make love. So what's the real truth when it comes to making love vs. hooking up for sex?

It's a simple formula. Men make love when they give, protect and cherish the women they're with.

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Women love when they're able to receive, be available, and respect the men they're with (for more on this, read A Life Of Love).

Carefree sex doesn't require anything from you; it's a feeling that comes and goes. This is especially true for men. It's the reason they often come on too strong and fade fast. When a man is following his feelings, watch out because you're headed for a hookup or one night stand.

Individuals can do what they want, anytime they want. Making love requires a very simple outside-the-bedroom principle: Doing something for the sake of the team that you wouldn't ordinarily do.

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Making love is a team game. That's what makes it scary.

Being on a team has a different level of vulnerability to it. A team is made outside the bedroom before it can be made inside the bedroom. Being on a team means doing things you wouldn't ordinarily do for the sake of the team.

Making love isn't possible without the vulnerability of letting someone see you as a human being. Having sex is instant gratification. People often have sex to avoid intimacy. Meanwhile, making love gets into your heart. Stay long enough to feel it. 

Most everything worth having is right outside our comfort zone — and that's especially true with making love. Remember, people who make love often have great sex. People who focus only on having sex rarely make love. 

James Allen Hanrahan is a dating relationship coach in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love.