How To Make A Man Feel Deeply Attached To You

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Love

For most women, the hardest part about their love life isn't meeting or establishing an attraction with men, but rather, it’s creating that deep connection and rush of strong emotions and powerful feelings that move things forward from the casual dating stage toward committed, romantic relationships.

In short, it's understanding the key factors of how to make a guy fall deeply in love with you by first getting him to become emotionally attached.

This transition can be a pain point for many women who can’t seem to get past the point of casually dating — and who can't, for the life of them, figure out why.

The reason for this isn't that men are "commitment-phobes," as so many would have you believe. Rather, it’s that a guy just hasn't felt deeply attached to them on an emotional level.

As we all know, physical attraction fades over time, and it's the quality of our emotional connection with each other — or the lack thereof — that makes or breaks a relationship.

What does it mean to be emotionally attached?

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To understand this question you must first know what an emotional attachment is.

Emotional attachment is all about your feelings of closeness and affection in relationships that help them last over time. Emotional attachment is very important in the human connection. 

How do you know if it's love or emotional attachment?

Love that's going to last always will rely on a healthy attachment, however, the two aren't the same. Love is all about support and mutual giving. you don’t love someone because of what they can do or provide.

The healthy attachment that goes along with love is all about someone who can fulfill your needs for intimacy, companionship, and validation.

How do you know if someone is emotionally attached?

Signs that you could pay attention to are if he genuinely enjoys spending time with you, he is always calling or texting you often, or he's made a commitment to not see other people and be exclusive with you. 

The difference between healthy and unhealthy attachment is all about disruptions in your life.

Is being emotionally attached to someone bad? 

If you're feeling like you're depending on their presence and attention, and constantly obsess over them, then that's a sign of unhealthy emotional attachment.

Healthy emotional attachment is all about spending equal time having fun with your partner but also on your own. The two of you share many things in life but you both also know how to make certain things separate like having your girlfriend time, or time with family members, and self-care time. Sometimes alone time away from your partner is good for your mental health as well. 

Here are 5 ways to make a guy fall deeply in love with you and get emotionally attached without playing games.

1. Date him for who he is, not for his potential.

Everyone wants to be accepted and loved for who they are, but many women make the mistake of dating a guy for his potential, i.e., the man he could become in five years (with your help, of course).

But men aren’t projects. When you have an expectation for a man to change, he feels like you’re not seeing him for who he is. For some men, it could make them feel shame like they’re not enough. If a guy feels this at the beginning of a relationship, he’ll likely feel anxious and cut and run.

When I've asked happily married men what it was about their wife that made them think, “Yes, she’s the one,” they've often said something along the lines of, "She never tried to change me."

Know what you’re looking for in a guy and find someone who matches that description.

2. Create emotional safety for him.

Creating emotional safety means creating a space where someone can express their thoughts, feelings, and desires without feeling judged.

When men refer to a woman as being easy to talk to, they mean that they're able to say things they typically wouldn't share with anyone else, because they know they won't be made to feel judged.

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The next time your man is having a bad day, complaining about his frustration with a colleague, or telling you something personal, listen to him without judgment. Know when to fix a problem, when to offer help, and when to simply listen. Sometimes people don’t want their problems fixed, they just want someone to hear them out and for them to feel secure with you. 

RELATED: 5 Reasons Vulnerability Leads To A Long-Lasting Relationship (& 4 Ways To Turn It Into True Intimacy)

3. Keep things light and playful.

People remember you based on the experiences you share together. The more positive and fun experiences you share, the more someone associates those feelings with you.

Men and women have different relationship timelines. Women tend to jump into relationships, eager to define their status and skipping over many of the fun aspects of dating, while men often take a little longer to decide if they want to pursue the relationship further.

It's important to keep the beginning of a relationship light and playful, because to a guy, even if he really, really likes you, you're still just dating.

4. Be vulnerable.

The fastest way to create emotional intimacy with someone is to drop your guard and show your vulnerability. When you show someone an unfiltered version of yourself, you’re essentially giving them the key to exploring every intimate detail about you, and that's a huge responsibility.

Think of what it feels like when you’ve gained someone’s trust like that. Incredible right?

When you show people your vulnerability, you creating emotional safety for a guy to do the same.

5. Give him space to chase you.

One of the most common scenarios I get asked about is what to do when a guy stops chasing you.

The answer is often, "Do nothing."

When you're in panic mode, you approach things from a place of fear. I see many women who panic as soon as they think a guy is pulling away. They panic when a guy doesn’t text or call one day, or if he seems a little distant at dinner.

Scared that their man is pulling away, they will overcompensate for his aloofness by trying to take control of the relationship. They'll start calling the guy, makes all the plans, generally attempting to lead the relationship where they want it to go.

When this happens, it causes a role reversal, and without either one consciously realizing it happens, the guy becomes the one being chased.

This shift in dynamic is one many men aren't comfortable with, and so when faced with this situation, they tend to withdraw even more.

Give the guy you're falling for the space to chase you.

When you create a life you love, you create a life he wants to be part of.

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Iona Yeung is a dating and relationship coach who works with single women to identify their roadblocks and communicate from a space of love and clarity. If you want to learn more about how you can have a loving and committed relationship, check out her online course, Goodbye Casual Dating.