How To Take Back Your Power & Heal From Betrayal After Finding Out He's Cheating

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How To Get Over The Heartbreak Of Adultery & Betrayal After Catching Your Boyfriend Or Husband Cheating

Don’t let infidelity steal your spirit.

All the signs of cheating were there. You had seen them for days, maybe even weeks, months, or years, but you held onto the hope that maybe you were wrong.

Then reality set in and you realized you'd been right all along. Your husband, the man who swore he'd love you forever, found solace committing adultery in another woman’s arms.

That moment when you realize he's a cheater and you are no longer the center of his world is beyond heartbreaking.

You begin to wonder what you could have done or said differently to keep him from having an affair, as your feelings of hurt, loss, and betrayal begin seeping in.

But if you want to take back your your life — along with your sanity — you must understand what the true meaning of infidelity is.

RELATED: Cheating Is Always A Choice

The dictionary definition of infidelity is "the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one's husband, wife, or partner."

But no matter what is considered cheating in your mind, the pain caused by infidelity is real — and it's like a weed. If you let it grow, it will consume you, growing deep into your heart and wrapping around you, tainting all future relationships. You'll begin to think all men will treat you this way, and then, you'll start thinking it was you all along, and that you must be tainted goods.

These thoughts and feelings don’t have to lead you to a dark place. There are ways for you to regain yourself. Sure, you need to mourn before you can move on. But don't let that period of mourning over your lost love kill your future self.

The first thing you have to do is regain your ability to think clearly.

When it comes to infidelity, you may think that it was your fault, and he may place blame on you, too, saying you're the reason he did it in the first place.

This way of thinking is psychological warfare. He doesn’t want to admit his mistake so he places the blame elsewhere. Usually, the reasons why men cheat are related to something buried within themselves that have nothing to do with the woman they are betraying. And once you realize this, getting over the heartbreak and healing will become much easier.

If you want to know how to get over the heartbreak of catching your boyfriend cheating or your husband having an affair, here are 5 rules to live by as you heal.

1. Don't believe everything you hear.

Don’t believe the voices that tell you how you should have been more attentive. Don’t believe the words that spill from his lips saying how it was your fault. It wasn’t.

You weren’t the one to push him to infidelity. He did that himself. You have to remember that you have a life too. You have hopes and dreams that you are striving to reach for too. His problems are his and his alone.

2. Walk away from the problem when you need to.

Just because you are turning your back on the problem doesn’t mean you are ignoring it. When you find yourself thinking of all the signs that you should have seen earlier and didn’t act on them, don’t dwell on them. Think about them for a moment and learn the lesson for next time.

Don’t give them a foothold in your life. Dealing with infidelity is hard, especially since you are tied to your emotions. But, if you can step back and walk away from yourself for a moment, you will see the lesson life was trying to teach you.

RELATED: 20 Quotes That Remind You Why You Should Never Take Back A Cheater

3. Remember that it's okay to let go.

There is a country song about a woman who let herself go. In the song, she finally did all the things she wanted to do but couldn’t because her husband wouldn’t let her.

When you are dealing with infidelity, you have to remember what it was like being single. Not that you will divorce or anything like that, but you have to get out of the mundane routine you have been in for so long. You have to remind yourself (and him) that you are still as adventurous and attractive as the first time you met.

The reason most people cheat is to feel the excitement and the spark that comes during the "honeymoon" phase of a new relationship. If you let yourself go and regain that spark for life, you will find your happiness.

Plus, you may just find your true happiness and be surprised that it no longer involves him.

4. Be kind to yourself.

During the period of finding out about his infidelity and regaining yourself, you will come to a crossroads. You will find yourself on an emotional roller coaster wondering which way the ride will go next.

Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t have the answers. Don’t make excuses either. Let things just be and settle.

Don’t just jump back thinking that things are fixed. Know that things are fixed. Sometimes, this process can take months or even years and that is okay.

5. Take it one day at a time.

Most important thing you can do for yourself is to take things one day at a time. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to. Keep the lines of communication open to your friends and family.

Take a walk and remember that this too shall pass.

RELATED: 8 Things You Should Know About Cheaters (According To Science)

C. Mellie Smith is an author and founder of Infidelity Healing, where she shares tools and resources to help you replace the pain of infidelity with relief and hope.