Love, Self

How To Get Your Ex Back (The Right Way)

Photo: Chichi Onyekanne via Unsplash
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back By Loving Yourself First

If you want to know how to get your ex boyfriend back, you may want to remind him of his love and attraction for you before your relationship fell apart.

Do you sometimes feel like your whole life revolves around trying to figure out what went wrong to cause your ex to end your relationship and break up with you? Or, if you’re still together, do you spend hours wondering what’s going on with him or why he doesn’t call and see you as much?

You're desperate to know how to get him back and stay with you, this time. 

RELATED: The Best Way To Get Your Ex Back After A Breakup (& How To Tell If It's Working)

If this sounds painfully familiar, there’s a reason for it: most of what we, as women, have been taught all our lives about relationships, keeping a great man, and what causes us to lose him is wrong.

So, if you're asking yourself, "Will my ex come back?", the answer is, "It's possible." 

But before your training begins, you have to know exactly why these exercises work to help him realize you are the woman he is still attracted to and can’t live without so he will do anything to get you back!

Here are 4 things you need to know before you try to get your ex back.

1. You'll be granting his secret wish

Every quality man carries, deep inside himself, the wish to find just one rare, irresistibly powerful quality in a forever partner. Most women have no clue about it and this is where the  quality of highly valuing and honoring yourself is important.

How do you create this quality in yourself? You do it by learning how to put yourself first.

We’ve been taught our entire lives that focusing on a man’s needs is the best way to "win" his affection and attention.

But, even though it goes against everything we learn as women, the path to getting back with an ex and rekindling his passion and commitment is stopping all the wondering, analyzing, and worrying about why he acts the way he does.

Instead, you need to begin to explore and fully experience your own life in the most powerful ways possible — up to and including beginning to go on casual dates with other men!

Of course, it may seem illogical — even scary — to consider granting his "secret wish" by experiencing other men. But, the truth is that it’s one of the most powerful things you can do to become the self-honoring woman your man will do anything to get back. 

Once he realizes that you value your own worth, you’ll drive him crazy with desire by becoming a prize that requires fighting for. Do it and he’ll never let you go again.

2. You’ll break old habits

When he leaves you or starts pulling away from you, you need to accept that you’ve probably done something to cause it.

I know this is painful to admit, but when it comes to getting your ex back, changing your behavior patterns is the fastest way to clear the path to reconnect with him.

Identify and break the habits that are blocking his view of your self-esteem and strength — and watch him start to move back to you! This means learning how to "lean back", giving him time and space to miss you instead of constantly checking-in, calling, texting, and showing up at his door.

It also means learning how to not have your life revolve around him anymore.

No more spending all day thinking about him. No more scheduling your day around his plans. No more watching what you say and don’t say. No more "overfunctioning" to make him happy, or accepting things he does that make you unhappy. 

Above all, understand that your man will only be inspired to move towards you again once you begin changing some things about yourself.

RELATED: The Secret To Getting Him Back (Without Looking Desperate)

3. You’ll share your emotions the right way

As women, we tend to lose control of (or hide) our emotions because of fear and insecurities about how he will react when we express ourselves. But the shocking truth is, men are powerfully, helplessly attracted to our emotional natures above all else.

In reality, it’s all the "drama" of how we sometimes express emotions that men run away from. So, don’t be afraid to show your feelings, but be sure to express them in a way that’s non-judging and non-critical so your man doesn’t feel blamed or cornered.

Learn how to share and embrace them in the right way. Do this often and your ex will sense a deep, unconscious level that he wants and needs your company, your touch, your affection.

In fact, he’ll feel compelled to open his heart and take action and get it. You don’t even need a man around to practice this — start expressing your feelings the right way with everyone you meet. 

4. You’ll be taking action

Think back to the "you" who first met and started dating your man.

Was she constantly obsessing about him and calling him? Did she arrange her life around what he was doing? Did she sacrifice her own feelings of strength and self-worth to please him?

Of course not. Chances are, when you first met him, you were focused on strengthening and building up yourself instead — and it made you extremely attractive to him.

So, take this opportunity to start working on yourself and become more like the woman who attracted him in the first place.

So, will he come back to you? Getting back together takes a lot of work but the end result is worth it — for him and yourself.

RELATED: Want Him Back? Say These 6 Little Words — And He's Yours

Rori Raye is a trained relationship coach who’s helped thousands of women transform their love lives. To learn more ways to make a lasting connection with a man through his heart, subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. 

This article was originally published at Have The Relationship You Want. Reprinted with permission from the author.