How To Find Yourself When You're Lost In The Busyness Of Everyday Life
Do you really know who you are?
by Hean Prinsloo on Unsplash Have you been preoccupied with everything lately — your bank account, your kids, your weight, your future direction at work, your life in general? Do you feel pleased about how things are going or are you worried or concerned?
It seems that you just get weighed down with the specifics and details of life and the responsibilities you have, which can leave you yearning to figure out how to find yourself again among the life you've made.
You are always riding the wave of what you call life, and it can be exhilarating and harrowing, sometimes in the same moment.
Everyone is defining themselves by the waves, the ups and downs. You lose track of yourself in the midst of all that is going on.
You are often caught up in watching your weight, watching what you eat, catching the best gossip from your colleagues at work.
You read the magazines about Hollywood; you try a new cosmetic or cologne. You join the gym across town to get in shape. You kibitz about taxes, poor service, your neighbor's noise, and a million other things. You might even worry about your family, the incessant wars, political stalemates, corruption, offshore tax havens and more.
You preoccupy yourself with external measurements, and the majority of your self-talk is diminishing if not downright disabling. You project your own standards on everyone else and wonder why the world that you expected appears to be going down the drain.
But being self-aware means you can understand you are not your worries or your preoccupations. You aren't your weight. When you get totally caught up in the externals of life, you are resisting the waves, not riding them.
In fact, as a surfer, you'd be off the board and flailing in the water because of your distractions and distress.
If you think you don't fit into these categories, keep count of the negative words you use about yourself and others each day. Keep count of each time you want to curse out a driver or another person in your life.
None of us are totally confident. Not one of us knows everything, even though we wish we did. But in the midst of it all, it's really important to know who you are.
So who are you, if not the external persona you project? This is a lifelong question, but the sooner you start to figure out the answer, the happier you are.
The following "stops" and "starts" may seem simplistic to you. Believe me, they are not.
They are essential steps for coming to a deep knowing and understanding, and loving, of who you are. Try them out for a month, and see what works for you in learning more about yourself.
Here are 3 simple ways to find yourself again:
1. Stop comparing yourself to others and start noticing your strengths.
When you compare yourself, you usually find yourself on the bottom rung of some ladder, when you were actually comparing your perceived weaknesses to someone's perceived strengths. This is a ridiculous exercise with limited returns.
Watch for what rings your bell and brings a smile to your face. Watch for what makes you laugh or makes you cry. Listen when someone compliments you. Focus on your strengths of performance and your strengths of character.
Focus on what is working well in your life. If you don't have any idea where to start, buy Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath and take the online test. It's a great place to begin.
2. Stop talking to yourself like a mean relative and start speaking to yourself with respect.
Are you constantly judging and nagging yourself to "do better," "do more," or to be and do what others think you should be and do? You tend to fall into this trap of pleasing or impressing others far too often, and it becomes a life energy drain, taking all your joy away.
You're not perfect, but you can improve whatever you wish to in your exterior or interior lives, without diminishing your relationship with yourself.
If you see a habit, a pattern of manipulation, or an obsession you have, change the pattern by changing what you are telling yourself about it. For once, relax and tell yourself, "I love and accept you just as you are today."
Remember, Rome was not built in a day. And talking to yourself with real respect will take lots of self-acceptance and practice.
3. Stop searching outside of yourself for what is "right" and start doing what's right for you.
Are you looking for the right friend, the right partner, the perfect love, the perfect body, the right job?
Start doing what is right for you; start being what feels right to you. Searching for the one person or thing that will magically make you happy or make your life "right" doesn't work, ever. You can only know what is right by spending more time with yourself.
Honor what you value and your own wishes and desires in life. Pay attention to how people and situations make you feel. Experiment; there are no mistakes in getting to know yourself. When you befriend yourself, when you learn from inside yourself what is really right for you, everything else gets easier.
You express many parts of yourself in many ways, and you change. You change your likes and dislikes. Hopefully, you even change what you believe or have been taught to believe as you expand your experiences in life.
It's hard to believe, but you are all doing the best you can at any given time. If you could have done better, you would have. No judgments are needed about a down day or a negative behavior or experience. Every experience has a gift or learning within it.
So, just ride the waves and enjoy every minute you can.
Jeanne Henderson is a reality upgrader at GotoSource. Contact Jeanne to dismantle blocks and limiting beliefs in order to move into freedom and unlimited potential.