5 Ways You Subtly Sabotage All Your Relationships Without Realizing It

This could be why your relationships fail.

By Gina Schuchman — Written on Nov 01, 2021

Photo: Lia Koltyrina / Shutterstock

People in relationships get into patterns. Some work well for them, and some don't.

If you find yourself getting into the same bad places in your relationship, you might want to examine what you are doing to sabotage growth, resolution, and intimacy in your relationships.

It is easy to blame everyone else, but until you look at yourself and take responsibility for fixing your part nothing will change.

Here are the five ways people tend to sabotage their own relationships and make them fail:

1. Needing to be right

If it is more important to you to be right or have the last word than to have a loving and close relationship, this will get in the way for you time after time.

You don't always need to be right, it's okay to compromise once in a while.

2. Trying to control others

When you think you can change the way others act and feel, it's a no-win situation. You will be constantly frustrated and the other person will feel judged and put down. This leads to both of you shutting down and no problems being solved.

3. Withdrawing

If you don't talk about what's bothering you or leave a discussion to do something else without being honest, then you have become emotionally unavailable to your partner.

Once disengaged, you will both feel hurt and rejected and alone — and no problems get resolved.

4. Trying to get back at the other person

If you go by the, 'you hurt me, so I can hurt you back' rule, chances are you will just create an ongoing battlefield in the relationship. It really is just offending from the victim position, which is still offending.

Forgiving and forgetting is the way to go for a lot of situations where you get hurt.

5. Saying everything you think or feel with no filter

We don't have the right to dump our fears, anger, lust, interpretations, accusations, etc. onto others without their permission. We have to respect our own boundaries but we also have to respect those we love.

Some people think they have to tell the people they love everything and right away or they aren't really close. Well, not everything we have to say is necessary or important to share and if it's pushing people away, you have to ask yourself, "Is this working for me?"

If you and your partner are using any of these strategies in your relationship, or if you find yourself doing any of these things in any of your other relationships, you might want to figure out how to make some changes so you can be happier and have healthier relationships. Read some books! Get some therapy!