Why Isn't He Asking You Out Again?

By Rabbi Arnie Singer for

Here’s a question that one of my loyal readers sent me that I’ve decided to share with you because I hear it again and again from damsels in distress.

I’ve been muddling along on the 1 or 2 dates per week thing for a while now. I’ve been meeting lovely people, none of whom I’ve been interested in. But THEN…this past weekend I met someone at a barbecue, and he got in touch and asked me out. It was great.

Okay, but seriously. I went out with him on Monday night. We spend 3.5 hours together talking. It was fun. The next day, he texted me. We’ve exchanged a bunch of texts yesterday and today (it’s Wed. early afternoon). It is so rare I actually care about this sort of thing at all, but I’m actually interested here (miracle of miracles). I think he might be interested too (I mean signs point to yes–He asked me out. We had a good time. HE texted ME. Said goodnight last night…) But dude, when is he going to ask me out again? Am I being impatient? I’m staring at my phone at work — productivity is definitely suffering.

When should I give up hope? Tomorrow? Is he just texting me because he’s bored? (He’s not bored. He’s very smart and busy, not to mention very handsome…) What do you think? SIGH.

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So let me summarize the main points in this common scenario:
1) Guy shows interest. Asks girl out on date.
2) Date goes well.
3) Guy sends multiple texts over the next couple of days, but doesn’t ask her out again.
4) Girl is frustrated. What should she do?

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You’ve got a few choices:

1) Continue playing along with his texting game and hope for the best. No, it doesn’t make any sense for him to be texting you without actually asking you out again, but who knows? If it’s only been a couple of days since the date, he might still pop the question.

2) Stop responding to his texts, or at least greatly delay your responses, and hope that he cares enough to phone you. Make yourself unavailable. It might get his male hunter adrenaline pumping and get him to step on the gas. If he’s not really interested, he’ll get tired and quit the game.

3) Just be honest and tell him the truth – - listen, I enjoyed our time together and I’m at a place in life where I’m looking for a relationship…so if you’re interested in exploring that option and GOING OUT again, I’d be happy to see you. Otherwise, I’m really busy…see you around.

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I like number 3, the honest and direct approach. If he’s really serious, he will, too. I’d wait another day to give him a chance to make his move, but then, if the texting game continues I’d hit him full force with both barrels of the truth.

Option number 2 is fine, too, if you can handle the frustration of not knowing where you stand for a little while longer. Most woman I speak to can’t function in their normal, productive manner with a “romantic unknown” hanging over them. If you can, then it’s easier than having the honest conversation in #3.

You’ll be happy to hear that our distressed damsel story ended well. She decided on option #2 and giving him until the end of the day. He asked her out. Patience triumphed.

What would you have done?


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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.