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How great is the company you keep?
By Ellen Nyland — Written on Jun 06, 2017
You can compare your company with a bra — a good one lifts you up and an ill-fitted or bad one lets you down.
When clothes don't fit right, a couch doesn't feel comfortable when you sit on it, or a job doesn't right, you do everything you can to change that situation. You buy different clothes, you trade in the couch, and you look for another job. It is that simple.
You pay attention to detail on how something should look and feel like and you are proud of your accomplishments.
You share your victory with your friends...and they bash your ideas, crush your hopes and dreams, and make you feel so insecure that you start second-guessing yourself. But wait, stop. Who is giving your friends or family so much power that you start to dismantle your upbeat mood?
That is how neuron science works. You mirror back what emotion is presented to you. This counts for all range of emotion from happiness to anger. Take for example the show "Say Yes to the Dress", how often did a bride depend on the entourage for approval of a dress?
If they don't like it, she won't buy it. Or the opinion of your friends on a brand of car, the place you live, or the partner you have. We all have opinions and like to share them with the people around us. It is something we all do and we can't escape it, but you can become aware of it and work with it.
It starts with picking great friends. How do you know you have great friends and how do you become a good friend? Here are 6 ways:
1. They don't gossip.
Gossiping is trash talking about somebody who is not in the room. When someone is gossiping to you about someone else, you can count on it that this person gossips about you as well when you are not there.
By engaging in gossip, you reduce your accountability as a trustful friend. People will share less and less with you out of fear that their inner trouble becomes water cooler talk. Therefore, be careful what you share what a friend told you in confidence.
2. They don't complain.
When you complain about everything, from the weather to your diet to your money situation and to your family problems, you turn people away. People can handle only so much complaining unless you have friends who complain along with you.
But then you end up in a downwards spiral and will view life in general as negative, it is then difficult to find joy in anything including your friends. It is better to tell your friends that you only have to vent for a moment, that way you have your two-minute rant without expecting agreement or pity.
3. They know that misery loves company so they avoid getting sucked into drama.
Choose the friends who lift you up when you are down or the ones that push you out of your comfort zone and help you grow. Those are the friends you can count on when life really goes south and you need a shoulder to lean on. And they are there to championing you on when you want to achieve a long time dream.
4. They accept when your answer is "no."
You may have the feeling that when a friend asks you to become engaged in a project or go somewhere with them, you always need to say "yes". Think about the times you felt you had to choose between partner, friends, family, work, and your "me" time, how often did you choose the "me" time? How did you feel letting others down?
Having personal boundaries is healthy and okay, and your friends know where you stand and they will respect your decision. In the long run, you have more energy to do the things you love to do, including going out with the people you love.
5. They are someone you can laugh with.
When you make a mistake or a blooper, you want to disappear and you may feel shame. A great friend can show you a different perspective and laugh with what you have done or said (when you didn't intentional hurt someone). It is freeing when you don't have to take life so serious and a friend can help you do that.
6. They are ready to let go of people who hold them down.
People are in our lives for a short or long time, and they all bring something to our lives. Have you noticed that when you are with certain people, you feel drained, frustrated, or let down all the time?
You may ask yourself if those people really bring something wonderful into your life or are they only just there and convenient? It is then really important to ask yourself: "Do I want this person in my life or is it better to let them go?"
The letting go may seem very harsh, but you have to live with yourself, and you can't walk away from yourself. Therefore, cutting people out who always talk negative and are of no support, is a self-preservation on your end.
At one time or another in life, we all need a listening ear and support, and if the people around you can't deliver that, then it is time to cut them out.
You become the company you keep; your joy and happiness depend on it.
Ellen Nyland is a Certified Life Coach that helps people find and develop their inner strength. For a free 30-min coaching session or for more information contact Ellen Nyland.
This article was originally published at Ellen Nyland. Reprinted with permission from the author.