Learning to effectively ask for what you want is a key to relationship satisfaction.
There is nothing that can impact our lives more than when we are functioning at our best in our lives and in our relationship. It impacts our overall happiness, the way we go about our jobs, and all areas of our lives. But how do we do it? How do we get to the point where we are at our best and helping our partners be their best as well?
Here are a few tips:
1. Always tell your partner when he/she is doing something that is making you happy. Most of us make it a habit to tell our partners when they are doing something we are not pleased with, in hopes that they will learn from this information and stop doing that thing. This isn't usually the outcome though, is it? In fact, we end up learning a lot of information about what makes our partners upset and a greater sense of negativity hovering around the subject. The opposite is also true. When we make it a habit of telling our partners when we are pleased with them, they learn a lot about what makes us happy and begin to associate positive feelings with these desirable behaviors. This allows for a relationship to be built on assets instead of deficits.
2. Invite your partner to inform you when you are doing something that is pleasing to them. Similar to above, this allows for the conversation between two partners to be built on pleasant information instead the usual deficit conversations. The simple truth is it is easier to repeat a pleasurable behavior than it is to stop an unpleasant behavior. So, it makes more sense to create opportunities for have conversations about what we are doing well instead of doing what most people do, discuss the opposite.
3. Discuss how these changes are impacting the relationship and each other's lives. Periodically it is important to consistently review if the relationship is moving in the direction that both parties would like and to set new relationship goals. Think about it, corporations do it at board meetings. They review how the previous year (or quarter) has gone for the corporation and what they would like to get accomplished in the future. We should also do this in our relationships. Talk about what is working well for each partner in the recent past and what needs to happen in the future to keep the relationship moving in the proper direction. Soul Mates: 10 Steps To A Spiritual Relationship
—Elliott E. Connie