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WARNING: It's not going to be easy ... but it IS possible.
By Elizabeth Stone — Written on May 05, 2016
People always talk about people who have been unfaithful and cheated on their partner like they're from another planet, but the statistics say it's more common than we might want to admit.
It is one of the most hurtful, underhanded, backstabbing things you can do to someone. That being said, people are capable of making big mistakes that they regret and vow to never repeat. It really is possible to move on after cheating, but it takes a LOT of work. Suffice it to say that trying to gain someone’s trust back after you have cheated on him or her is really tough and can take a LONG time, but it can be done.
Here’s 9 ways to try and earn back that trust you lost:
1. Decide What You Really Want.
Let’s be honest. If you are in a relationship that you need to leave, you are still going to need to leave whether you were unfaithful or not. There isn’t a reason to rebuild the trust — the better thing to do is leave them as gently and honestly as you can.
This is more merciful than admitting to cheating, trying to make-up, breaking-up and then eventually realizing anyway that you need to go anyway. Just go!
If you really made a mistake and are 100% committed to having a good relationship with your partner, let’s continue on.
2. Be Honest.
You must be as brutally honest as possible about what happened without going into specifics. You must answer ALL of their questions no matter how much it stings. Expect that they will have a lot of questions and you will have to repeat yourself multiple times. Now is the time to cough up the whole truth. Don’t minimize anything about what happened.
Best piece of advice: Tell everything.
3. Apologize.
Consider that in order to apologize appropriately and even have a hope in hell that they’ll think about taking you back, you must be sincere. Tell them you couldn’t be more sorry, you’ll do whatever it takes, and that you can’t live without them.
4. Earn Back Their Trust.
This is the part where most people fail and end up back at square one. You must now spend basically the rest of the relationship acting like an angel. You must be honest about every single detail of what you are up to at all times. It might even be wise to drop your opposite sex friends at least for now.
Be super predictable. Now is not the time to change your hours at work or pick up a solo hobby. Think transparent with everything you do.
Listen to Dr. Phil explain the 2 important steps to trusting again for a better understanding here:
5. Make an Effort.
If there was ever a time for a grand gesture, it’s now. Expect them to not accept your it, because it really doesn't matter. The point is that you are putting in effort and trying.
In the moment, they may hate the gesture and call you names, but that isn’t the point. Don’t concern yourself with how it was received. This is not a process that you can rush so don’t expect an immediate change from any of these steps.
6. Persistence.
You need the kind of persistence that will exhaust even the most steadfast. Prepare yourself for your love to be really back and forth on whether they even want to talk to you. View any contact from them as progress, even if it is negative.
7. Honor Their Needs.
If they want you out of the house, get out of the house. Don’t stand your ground in their personal space. It still stands to reason that they can miss you. After years of history together, this is only natural. So don't make things worse by refusing what the need.
8. Expect Retribution.
You are not allowed to get upset if they go out and have an affair of their own to spite you. Don’t let this bother you. They are angry and have a right to be. You already got your cake. Shut up and eat it while you repeat steps one through seven.
9. Once the Dust Has Settled, Date Them.
Let some time pass so the initial anger stage can pass. Once it does, rewind everything about your relationship back to the way it was in the early days.
Suggest dates, flirt with them, act like you did in the beginning of your relationship. Go out of your way to still be a person worth lusting after. Text back the romance. Seduce. Show them why they fell for you in the first place.
Most importantly: Be patient with their feelings.
Did you cheat because you felt like your guy pulled away from you? Find out why with a free copy of Elizabeth Stone's book Why Men Lose Interest and free daily email series by signing up for her email list here.
This article was originally published at Digital Romance Inc. Reprinted with permission from the author.