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Warning: It's not going to be easy ... but it is possible.
By Elizabeth Stone
Last updated on Oct 07, 2023
We talk about people who have been unfaithful and cheated on their partner like they're from another planet, but the statistics say it's more common than we might want to admit.
It is one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone. That being said, people can make big mistakes they regret and vow never to repeat. It is possible to move on after cheating, but it takes a lot of work. Suffice it to say that trying to gain someone’s trust back after you have cheated on them is tough and can take a long time, but it can be done.
Here are 9 tried-and-true ways to try and earn back the trust you lost:
1. Decide what you want
Let’s be honest. If you are in a relationship you need to end, you must go whether you are unfaithful or not. There is no reason to rebuild the trust. A better thing to do is leave them as gently and honestly as possible.
This is more merciful than admitting to cheating, trying to make up, breaking up, and eventually realizing that you need to go anyway. Just go!
If you made a mistake and are 100% committed to your partner, we can work on it.
2. Be honest
You have to be as brutally honest as possible without going into specifics. Answer ALL of their questions no matter how much it stings. Expect they will have many questions, and you will repeat yourself multiple times. Now is the time to cough up the whole truth. Don’t minimize anything about what happened.
Best piece of advice: Tell everything.
3. Apologize
Consider that to apologize appropriately and even have a hope in hell they’ll think about taking you back, you must be sincere. Tell them you couldn’t be more sorry, you’ll do whatever it takes, and that you can’t live without them.
4. Earn back their trust
This is where most people fail and end up back at square one. You must now spend the rest of the relationship acting like an angel. Be honest about every detail of what you are up to. It might even be wise to drop your opposite-sex friends, at least for now.
Be super predictable. Now is not the time to change your hours at work or pick up a solo hobby. Think transparent with everything you do.
5. Make an effort
If there was ever a time for a grand gesture, it’s now. Expect them not to accept your gesture because it doesn't matter to them. The point is you are putting in effort and trying.
They may hate the gesture and call you names, but that isn’t the point. Don’t be concerned with how it was received. You can not rush this process, so don’t expect an immediate change.
6. Be persistent
You need the kind of persistence that will exhaust even the most steadfast. Prepare yourself for them to go back and forth about whether they even want to talk to you. View any contact from them as progress, even if it is negative.
7. Honor their needs
If they want you out of the house, get out. Don’t stand your ground in their personal space. It still stands to reason that they can miss you. After years of history together, this is only natural. So don't make things worse by refusing what they need.
8. Expect retribution
You are not allowed to get upset if they go out and have an affair of their own to spite you. Don’t let this bother you. They are angry and have a right to be. You already got your cake. Shut up and eat it while you repeat steps one through seven.
9. Once the dust has settled, date them.
Let some time pass so the initial anger stage can pass. Once it does, rewind everything about your relationship back to how it was in the early days.
Suggest dates, flirt with them, and act like you did at the beginning of your relationship. Go out of your way to still be a person worth lusting after. Text back the romance. Seduce. Show them why they fell for you in the first place.
Most importantly, be patient with their feelings.
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Elizabeth Stone is a love coach and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self. Her work has been featured in Zoosk, PopSugar, The Good Men Project, Bustle, Ravishly, SheKnows, Mind’s Journal, and more.
This article was originally published at Digital Romance Inc. Reprinted with permission from the author.