Love, Heartbreak

13 Signs Your Love Is FAILING (And It's Time To Make A Decision)

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You know that sagging, awful feeling in the pit of your gut that things “aren’t quite right” with your relationship? Well it's time to get cracking at that right now.

Here are 13 signs that your relationship is in desperate need of repair (or a breakup):

1. You can't communicate anymore.

Or your conversations have been limited to boring exchanges about mundane topics. Even spirited arguments have given way too.

2. Spending time together is no longer a TOP priority.

Time for each other feels like it's become an afterthought.

3. One (or both) of you have gotten a "work friend" who knows more about your relationship than they should.

This doesn’t automatically mean that you or they are cheating, but the transfer of intimacy from your partner to someone outside the relationship can be really bad for your bond. 

4. Your sex life SUCKS.

One or both of you is constantly too busy, too tired, or too “not in the mood” to hit the sheets.

5. You argue about the same crap OVER and OVER.

Ever had those conversations where you go around and around with your partner but things only get better for a little while or nothing ever changes? Me too.

6. You've discussed and analyzed your relationship with close friends/family — and they don't like where things are headed.

Usually our people have a pretty good idea of how things are going — even if we don’t share the nitty gritty details. 

7. You become suspicious of your partner.

Whether they are cheating or not, the fear that they’re having an affair has started to plague your thoughts. Petty jealousy seems to crop up even though you've never felt jealous in the past.

8. “It’s not the same anymore" pretty much sums up how you both feel.

9. You don't think you (or they) care anymore.

Now, whether or not this is true is not the real barometer. It’s the sense of not feeling cared for that is most telling.

10. You dream about what things USED to be like.

You know that feeling where you wish you could rewind things back to the way it used to be before you had the sinking pain deep in your gut?

11. You feel like you've done all you CAN do to save the relationship.

Sometimes you’re trying too hard — other times it’s just that you’re the only one actually trying.

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12. You’ve started thinking about what it's like without them.

The internal “I know I can end this,” pep talk starts — so does your mental tally of how exactly to move your overstuffed sofa and who gets the dog. You start considering whether you should “put up with this” any longer.

13. You've stopped (or avoided) talking about the future.

“Concert next month? I don’t know … that’s a long way out”

So what are you supposed to do if this is happening in your relationship? 

First, don't panic. Obviously all of these signs that things are NOT well between you and your significant other. However, the things on this list DO NOT mean that things are over or that your partner is walking out on you this afternoon. 

Even if they are actively packing their bags, you must NOT succumb to fear. Assuming they are leaving you when they’ve pulled away is frankly a sure way to psyche yourself out and put your love straight into the toilet. 

It’s still possible to repair things at this point, but it takes focus, strategy and effort. Relationship insecurity panic (even when your relationship is really at risk) feels low value and desperate. It’ll just push them away even further.

Next, it’s important to consider what you REALLY want. If you’re on the fence about whether or not you should break up with them or not, they can sense that.

If you want to be with them, you have to make your decision and STICK with it.

Now, I’m not saying that you should ignore it if they treat you poorly — not at all. But I am saying that you need to get off the fence and make your OWN decision to stay or go. You have zero control over anyone else, so that’s why I’m addressing you. Your partner may or may not want things to change, but one person committing to changing their energy can usually turn things around.

Usually when your relationship is sinking like this, one or both of you have lost yourselves in it. The relationship has taken center stage in your life and has crowded out your OWN outside goals and passions. 

That’s why it’s so difficult NOT to be hyper-focused on “how it’s going.” It’s all you’ve got going on! That’s why you’ve GOT to go out and get excited about your life again. If you were never excited about your life to begin with, it’s a great time to start.

Is your relationship almost dead? Find out why (and what you can do about it) by signing up for Elizabeth Stone's free daily email series and get a copy of her book, Why Men Lose Interest. She'll help you get to the bottom of why your guy might be pulling away from you.

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This article was originally published at Digital Romance Inc. Reprinted with permission from the author.