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By Dr. Kim Redman — Written on Sep 22, 2020
In today's world, it seems all too easy to live a life of non-commitment. In Canada, recent statistics show that 51 percent of Canadian adults are "single" — and based on that study, a fear of commitment could be largely to blame for this.
However, commitment isn't restricted to personal relationships. It's defined as, "An agreement or pledge to do something in the future."
So, based on the above statistic, is commitment-phobia rampant in our society? Have what we commit to changed?
How fear of commitment affects your life.
Let's take a look at other aspects of your life, such as events.
According to event organizers in the Greater Toronto Area, for most meetings and networking events where attendees were given the option, only about 50 percent of the attendees register in advance. Most of those that do pre-register, do so in the last two days before an event.
How can you commit to what you want, if you only know what you don't want?
Being able to embrace commitment can affect every part of your life, from events and relationships, to your job and overall happiness.
If you want to be able to get over commitment fear, you need to start figuring out what's holding you back. Most likely, it's going to be a rough road — but in the end, will be so worth it.
When you can wake up every morning with the knowledge of being able to commit to the things in your life that used to scare you, there's no telling what you could get done!
Here are 7 steps you can take to conquer your fear of commitment and get what you want:
1. Know what you want in all areas of your life.
By doing this, you'll be certain of what you need to do to accomplish your goals, as well as what you don't want to happen.
2. Make sure that want you want in life is consistent with your inner values.
If you want to travel, but your job has you at the same desk every day forever, that may be a sign you're in the wrong job.
3. Have a vision on what your life will be like in all areas.
Create a mental vision of what it would look like if you had everything you needed and wanted in all areas of your life. You can also make a vision board to help you visualize what you'd like to see.
4. Create a plan on how you can achieve the life you want, both personally and professionally.
Find someone to keep you accountable. This can be a coach or mentor, or even a spouse or friend. Someone who will make sure you're on the right path who will gently but firmly correct you if you stray from your plan.
5. Research the activities that will support your plan.
And learn to say “no” to things that move you away from your goals.
6. Use a time-management system like Google calendar.
Put all life categories (working out, business building, family time, personal time, etc.) in it.
Include an open block daily, too. This will give you an idea of where you have time to commit to new plans or goals.
7. Always follow through with your commitment.
You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will. This means make it happen, even if it's not easy for you.
After a while, you'll build your commitment "muscle."
Here are the top 3 "reasons" given for non-commitment of anything:
- "I wanted to keep my options open."
- "I was hoping for something better to come along."
- "I don't have the time, money, or energy."
Some of the underlying reasons that you experience people who don't commit or are "stuck":
- Not knowing what you really want.
- Not knowing how to plan and get what you want.
- Lacking smart goals.
- Having no measurable evidence procedure that you're on track (feelings don't count as a measurement, although they are of course valid).
Most people don't know what they really want.
It's no wonder you can't commit. Hence, most people will end up attending an event by sheer default of not having anything else, or anything better to do that day. How sad is that?
On the other hand, there are some individuals who are so clear on what they want and so specific in their goals that they have absolutely no problem committing to everything from a simple meeting to a long-term relationship.
Commitment is a boundary.
Be clear on what moves you closer to — or further from — from your goals.
Successful people easily commit. Imagine what your life will be like knowing that you've made the best decision and you're on track to achieve your goals with the flexibility to maneuver if necessary. Fabulous!
There are some great benefits of being able to commit, too! You will be surprised at just what you are missing and much more fun you can really have.
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Dr. Kim Redman is a board designated master trainer in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), hypnosis, Time Line Therapy, and NLP results coaching.