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How to spot those scary characters before they get the chance to haunt you.
By Dan Neuharth — Written on Dec 26, 2018
"Ghosting" is a dating phenomena that seems to be breaking hearts left and right. Yet, for people with certain dominant personality traits and characteristics, this seems to be the only way they can figure out how to break up with someone.
What is ghosting?
According to the basic definition, it's "the practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person without explanation, especially in a romantic relationship."
Relationships that end when one person exits without any explanation and refuses to communicate further can be especially painful.
People ghost for many reasons.
- They may rationalize their behavior by telling themselves they are sparing you a difficult scene
- They may have been ghosted themselves, and feel that ghosting someone else should be okay
- They may be secretly involved with more than one person
- They may have had a bad experience in the past by being direct when they ended a relationship
- They may feel unsure what they are feeling or unable to put it into words and simply vanish, hoping you will get the hint.
On a deeper level, people who leave without a word generally lack the courage to have direct, potentially emotional conversations. They lack respect for others. They tend to be less committed to the relationship than the other person. And they may be self-absorbed and care only about their own comfort.
So, if you're worried that the person you've been dating and falling in love with might be the kind of man or women who'll leave you ghosted, there's certainly a chance that you might be right.
The more of these 20 personality traits you recognize in someone, the more likely they are to end the relationship by ghosting you.
1. Conflict avoidant
They are fearful of confrontation.
2. Secretive
Or non self-disclosing.
3. Distant
Or frequently aloof, for no apparent reason
4. Isolated
They tend to have few long-term friendships.
5. Objectifying
They initially idealize, then come to devalue other people.
6. Unreliable
They frequently fail to keep their promises.
7. Unclear
They send mixed or vague messages.
8. Dishonest
They lie often.
9. Indirect
They have trouble telling you anything straight.
10. Mysterious
They may have met you anonymously, such as online, and have no friends in common with you.
11. Exclusionary
They may be reluctant to introduce you to their friends and family.
12. Avoidant
They may have an avoidant attachment style.
13. Immature
Especially in social situations.
14. Narcissistic
It's all about them, all of the time.
15. Unaccountable
They avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
16. Apathetic
They lack empathy for others.
17. Opportunistic
They often use or take advantage of others.
18. Passive-aggressive
They know exactly how to throw a sucker punch.
19. Belittling
In particular, they're likely to disparage their former long-term partners.
20. Withholding
They stonewall or give you the silent treatment when they feel upset.
RELATED: People With These 8 Personality Traits Are The Least Likely To Break Your Heart
The emotional toll of being ghosted can be steep.
If you have been ghosted, you may feel discarded, unimportant, unworthy, or unattractive. You may feel baffled and have a strong desire to find out why the person left.
It may feel hard to get closure. If the other person seemed engaged in the relationship, attracted to you, and you shared good experiences, you may question or doubt yourself or blame yourself for their actions.
Being left by another without a word is not about you, it's about the other person.
Whatever their reasons, their behavior tells you they don’t respect you — or themselves. As painful as it may be initially to recognize it, such a person is not healthy to be around.
Reassure yourself that such behavior is immature, disrespectful, and not something you want in your life, and reach out to friends and others for support as you move on.
Dan Neuharth is a marriage and family therapist who focuses on improving relationships. Find more of his relationship advice for couples by visiting his website.
This article was originally published at PsychCentral. Reprinted with permission from the author.