On being deeply nourished

slow sex

Third in a series for YourTango on "Slow Sex" author Nicole Daedone

In her book Slow Sex:  The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, Nicole Daedone describes how a woman can develop her capacity for sexual attention by a rather unusual technique:  simply focusing without distraction, for 15 minutes, while her partner strokes the upper left quadrant of her clitoris.   

It's a practice that has caused considerable controversy in sex therapy circles, for a variety of reasons.   But Daedone has attracted a devoted following of individuals and couples seeking to cross beyond the ordinary boundaries of erotic life.

The following is a continuation of our recent conversation in New York:

Nicole, when I first read in The New York Times about what you have people do –repetitive stroking of a woman’s clitoris – I thought, “Oh no, not that goal-oriented thing again that gets so many couples in trouble.” But in your book Slow Sex, you make it clear that it’s not that at all. It’s not intended to produce a sexual climax. Or even to get a person sexually excited, in the conventional sense.

Yeah, that confuses a lot of people.

Well, if you call a practice “Orgasmic Meditation,” people are going to assume it’s about having plain old fashioned orgasms. Why’d you name it that, if that’s not what’s going on?

I could have made up a new term, rather than used “orgasm.” But a lot of people in the field do that. They come up with some catchy new phrase. I wanted something deeper, darker, that would be big enough to describe the practice.

So you decided you’d claim the word “orgasm” and use it to mean something else?

I “reclaimed” it. I scooped out the old meaning, and then began putting in new meaning.
Climax is a fleeting moment. When I use the word “orgasm,” I mean something much bigger – the body’s total ability to receive and respond to pleasure.

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