Psychologist Shares 4 Ways To Raise Kids Who Truly Admire You
Carve out a space to influence your child in an instant gratification world.
paulaphoto | Canva It's interesting to me how often we idolize people we have never met. We wish we looked like people we see through heavy filters online or wear the jerseys of athletes who, in some cases, are cruel to people at home. Sometimes we even seek out autographs and pictures of people who don't know or frankly care about who we are.
We are a culture obsessed with fame, beauty, and wealth. So, it's no wonder children are not only obsessed with celebrities, they try to live like them and get attention online. These children get the instant gratification of feeling important — taking pictures of themselves in stylish clothes, fancy cars, on vacations, or just with the right group at the right party.
Within this climate, you might wonder where there is room for you as your child's greatest influencer, hero, or person they want to emulate when they grow up.
Here are 4 ways to raise kids who truly admire you, according to a psychologist
1. Show up for your child
Make yourself present. Put the phone down, stop texting, stop talking, and start listening. I mean listening — with your eyes, ears, and body. Don't go to your kid's soccer game and have your head down the whole time because you are updating your status and sending emails.
They know from the sidelines or the field if you were there or not, and being there in body but not mind doesn't help your kid feel connected to you.
2. Be clear about your time
We all understand you need to work and because of technology you may always feel "on." But your kid won't ever be shown there is a time and place to work and a time and place to play. They will grow up feeling like you were half present and half gone, which to them equals mostly gone. Set aside time in which you focus on them.
3. Be consistent
I can't say enough good things about being consistent in all areas of parenting. This is how babies, toddlers, and children learn, for better or worse, what to expect and what others expect of them. If this sounds like a difficult task, choose the areas most important to your child given their age, and do it — consistently. This might be to make it home for dinner, to read books to them, or to pick them up from school. Whatever it is, it's an opportunity to maximize connecting.
Whether your child is 5 and talking about the latest word they learned to spell or they are 15 and having friend issues, your consistently being actively engaged in a relationship with them is the key to your kid experiencing feeling truly important to you. It's that simple and hard at the same time.
NDAB Creativity via Shutterstock
4. Admire talents, not people
It's so important to get in the habit of doing this early in a child's life. Instead of saying that you love a certain athlete or actor, specify you love the way they play a game or act in a movie.
Kids have to learn early on that we don't know these people personally, and, therefore, have no idea what their character or integrity is in real life. Making this subtle shift can have a major impact on how society idolizes celebrities, and where your children will turn for role models. It's never too late to start.
Dr. Sheryl Ziegler is a mother, Doctor of Psychology, speaker, and author of Mommy Burnout: How Addressing Yours Will Make You A Better Mother And Create A Better Life For Your Children. More advice is available in her newsletter.