Are You A 'One Minute Man' In Bed? 5 Tips To Help You Last LONGER

What is Early Ejaculation, or EE? It was formally referred to as Premature Ejaculation or PE; it sent negative messages, so it is now considered passe. I prefer to say early or rapid ejaculation.

According to statistics from a variety of sources, EE affects between 30-70 percent of men, topping the list of sexual dysfunctions or complaints. It is by far the most common sexual complaint of men under 40.

Ready for the really bad news? When you have EE, you also likely suffer from Erectile Dysfunction or ED — losing your erection because you came too quickly to sustain penetration during sex. EE often contributes to a lack of female orgasm, as some women really do need for you to be inside of them for more than a few thrusts, and finally, a cycle of failure.

If you get caught in the loop of worrying that you won't be able to sustain your erection (and then you don't), you may eventually lose your interest in sex. Perhaps you can see why the second wave epidemic in this country is low, or why there is no sexual desire among men. Sexless marriages lead the pack with 40 million married Americans having sex less than 10 times a year!

These are the common causes of Early Ejaculation:

• Bad habits. What you do as a child/teenager — "I've got to get this done quickly or Mom will walk in on me" — often fabricates your adult masturbatory pattern, which can last or translate into partner sex.
• Performance anxiety. You fear and worry. Saying, "Am I going to lose it again before my partner wants me to?" or, "Can I please my partner?" are the worry signs. Stop thinking about what may go wrong. Stop judging yourself.
• Over-excitement. Too much stimulation and pleasure can lead to quick pops. This is especially true if you are not having frequent (enough) partner sex. The less you are sexual with your partner, the more excited you become when you are inside your partner, and the quicker you pop. It becomes too much to sustain the pleasurable sensations.
• Lack of good sex skills (lousy lover). Your inability to please her (or him) leads to relying on penetrative sex. This puts more pressure than ever on you being able to control your orgasms and ejaculations.
• You're Type A and rush everything. "How you do anything is how you do everything!" said T. Harv Eker, motivational speaker and leader of the Millionaire Mind seminars.

So, what can you do about Early Ejaculation and learn how to last longer in bed?

1. First and foremost, learn to slow down.

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Sensual, slow sexual sharing is the best. Ask most women! Read my book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Sensual Massage, for in-depth education on the art of slowing down and what to do to get there. Slow, deliberate foreplay, as in sensual touch, is one great route.

2. Take medication.

Simple, easy, and quick, though not necessarily the best option of treating the reasons for your rapid ejaculation, is to take medications. You can ask your MD to prescribe anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds, such as the SSRIs like Prozac that have potentially negative side effect among users of quelling sexual desire and delaying orgasm.

For the man with EE, the latter is a blessing. Be aware that the withdrawal from these types of meds can make this a nightmarish option. I'm a big advocate of trying drugs or getting surgery as your last resort.

3. Flip your negative chatter.

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You can learn to stop the anxiety-driven self-talk, like, "Oh, no, Mr. Bill, we're going to lose it now," and use this simple process. Focus on the negative self-messages, listen for them, and notice when they occur. Then, when you notice them happening, in that moment tell them to STOP! Yell at them, then shift your mind to the sensations you are feeling IN your body. Mind over matter is your key.

4. Stop trying to please her.

I mean it. Most men spend so much time and energy directing their attention to her (or him). "Am I doing it right?" or thoughts like, "Am I good enough to get her to her orgasm? Is she turned on by what I'm doing?" Get your mind and attention to you.

I know this sounds crazy, especially from someone who writes a lot about how important it is to focus on your woman first. Yes, do that, but you have to learn to turn the attention to the pleasures of your own flesh to get out of the cycle of losing Mr. Happy.

5. Be here now.

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The more you can focus on the pleasurable sensations, the better. For example, feel the touch on your foreskin (or if you don't sense your foreskin, focus on the coronal ridge) when you rub against her thigh. Feel the skin-to-skin rubbing when you move your chest against hers. Feel the tender touch of her breasts in your palms. Feel the pressure in your groin. Feel the heat in your penis, or its fullness.

Those are the kinds of sensations that will anchor you into the physical. Once you lose the connection with your own physical sensations (pleasure-based), you go back up into your head (the mental state) and stop being in the here and now.

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Dr. Patti Britton is a Clinical Sexologist, Sexuality Educator and Master Sex Coach with top level credentials.  Dr. Patti is the Co-Founder of SexCoachU, the world's premier training and credentialing institute for sex coaching.