Photo: unsplash / Luis Quintero
Despite what most people might think, being in a relationship is a tough balancing act.
By D. Begg — Written on Jan 28, 2020
Despite what most people might think and the overabundance of dating advice available, being in a new relationship is a tough balancing act and healthy relationships take a lot of effort to achieve.
The challenge is because falling in love can happen by choice or by chance. Whichever the case, the goal is always to attain a form of happiness that one could not have by his- or herself, but might leave you thinking: am I ready for a relationship?
Unfortunately, many relationships end up in anger, pain, and resentment. That is why it is important to have the proper mindset before starting a new relationship.
Here are 10 things you need to think about before starting a new relationship so you can be in a healthy one.
1. Know what you want
Setting goals in life is a very important part of becoming successful. That's why people who plan their day early on have a greater chance of fulfilling their goals.
The same principle applies to relationships. Not knowing when and why you should get involved with someone can be a big letdown to you and your partner.
Getting involved with someone and then backing out because you feel you are not ready can severely affect your progress in life.
2. Get involved for the right reasons
Many people have ended up in relationships they resent because they were trying to help their partners.
Being with someone out of pity instead of love is taking an unnecessary risk. Similarly, getting into a new relationship because of sadness, loneliness, or selfish ends like money and affluence is just as bad.
Such relationships never go far and they often end very badly.
3. Have the right expectations
One thing that couples often fail in is having balanced expectations of each other. I think the culprit here is the term 'falling in love'. When people fall into something, it is usually unexpected or they are blinded by something at the time.
In most cases, beauty and physical attraction are blinding factors. This kind of attraction gives people false ideas about who the other person is.
The truth though is that we are all human, with the same flaws that you see in your brother or sister every day. Then why would you expect the other person to be an angel just because he is handsome or she is beautiful?
4. Know what you are looking for in a partner
Have you ever heard people saying, "You are not what I expected"? This should be the last statement you should ever make in a relationship. Know from the onset what it is that you want.
That saves a lot of time and energy for both you and the prospective partner.
You can do this by being level minded and patient enough to make the right choice. Do not let emotions, friends, or situations make decisions for you.
Always get into a relationship because you want to and you are ready for it.
5. Be willing to compromise
Being in a relationship where one partner is trying to mold the other into their own 'image and likeness' can be extremely taxing.
This happens when one partner is conceited into believing that his or her mate should be a mirror image of them.
It can also happen when one is trying to make someone into a likeness they admire. In order to have a happy and healthy relationship, you have to accept the other person's unique personality.
That is who they will always be, so stop changing them.
6. Have a clear picture of future expectations
Relationships are not like test kits which you use and throw away after a while.
When you get into a relationship, have a clear image of where it might lead. That way, you can get ready for what is coming in good time.
7. Be willing to listen
Just as you have specific needs that you expect your partner to meet, understand that he or she is in the same position.
Be willing to listen to their needs and help in meeting them.
8. Be ready to handle tough times
Falling in love often happens on a platform of joy and happiness. However, like anything else in life, amid the plateaus, there are valleys to go into and hills to climb.
Be ready to face them when they come.
9. Understand that a relationship should be mutual
What this means is that no one person should only be a giver or a receiver. Each person should be willing to give and receive in a relationship.
When this lacks, the relationship becomes imbalance and it risks draining out one partner.
10. Choose to be positive
Never get into a relationship with a negative attitude. If you do, chances are that you will keep seeing all the wrong things in that relationship.
Purpose to be happy and to be the source of joy and positivity. There is enough negativity in the world to add any more to it.
So, if you're looking for love and want to be in a loving and healthy relationship, it's important to think about what you're getting into before you jump in.
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Donna Begg is an expert editor, a mentor, analyst, and researcher.