Self, Heartbreak

Top 10 Strategies To Help You Thrive Through Divorce

ten daisies blue sky flowers

You are who are you are right now because of everything you've experienced to this point. Take it, embrace it and build your life based on who you are with no regrets. Define yourself according to you not someone else. Here's how to start.

1. Think new. Don't recycle old belief systems. They might not serve you any longer. If you think like you used to, you'll filter all your decisions through your old way of being instead of creating something new.

Your beliefs can either limit you or help you evolve. Which do you want? Okay, so it's a fixed question (or answer). Life isn't the way it was. Why make decisions as if it were? If your life was thrilling and perfect you wouldn't be reading this right now. However, your life can be perfect for you, according to you.

2. Expect chaos. Life is going to be chaotic. Nothing is going to be neat and clean and predictable. So what? What's so thrilling about predictable? Once you learn to deal with the unexpected through a divorce, you can do anything! The rest of life will seem like a piece of cake. During Divorce: Act Rationally, Not Emotionally

3. Spend more time outside. This might sound corny to some, but finding a place that gives you space where you're not bombarded by life stuff is really important. Nature nourishes you, gives you a sense of peace and permeates your being. Find a place that you can get found in as you take in the fresh air and beauty of the natural surroundings.

I do some of my best sessions with corporate and government clients walking in greenspace or along the river or canal. No cell phones, no chaos. Quiet, peaceful, energizing.

4. Host a thriving, energetic network. Start one, form one, make it happen. Don't wait for others to come to you, call you, or ask you to join them in a venture, or social engagement. Some will leave you be as they believe you're in the middle of a tense situation and need your alone time.

Others will continue with their lives but not pay attention to yours. No matter. If you instigate, it will happen. If you've never done this before,  now's the time to dive in. And if you have, well, it's life as usual!

5. Stop resisting; start embracing. To resist means to fight life. Once you start a tug of war within, something's gotta give. It'll be you.

Stop resisting and start embracing change. Assimilate things as they happen so they have no control over you. Accept that not only is your life going to be different, the unknown and this wide open space of "I have no idea what's to come"; you can literally reduce the energy you consume by 90% when you reduce your resistance to what’s happening in your life.

6. Surround yourself with energetic, positive people ... and prune your life of toxic relationships. Energetic people will energize you and you'll energize them in turn. Toxic relationships will suck you dry. Of all times in your life, (as if you need an excuse to keep people like that around) the last thing you need through a divorce are energy vampires. You need those who will support you in creating your future, a future you love and build, not one you fall into.

7. Exploit your virtual environments, not just your physical ones. People are living beyond their geographic borders, talking, sharing, and interacting with people from all over the world through the wonders of technology. Connect with people through blogs, groups, and virtual support networks. Connect with people with similar interests so divorce isn't the only thing you’re living right now. Life continues. Choose something you can’t wait to do! Build and connect with everyone you can. The more people you interact with out of choice, the more energized and engaged in life you'll be. In doing this, you'll also build a new life and a thriving future.

8. Figure out what energizes you. Then, design a life where you are surrounded by your energizers. You're going to need more energy than ever before. If you can design your environment to feed those sources of energy, you can operate at a higher level. This is even more important when you go through stressful situations. The more energy you have, the better you can deal with the emotions that will bombard you through your divorce. The more aware you are of when and how your energy is depleted, the faster you can replenish it and deal with whatever comes your way.

9. Dream big. Choose goals that are bigger than you ever dreamed you could be. Be pulled forward by your goals instead of having to push yourself through from one day to the next. Fill your life with things you've always wanted to do but never did because your spouse didn't like it or want it, or you didn't have time. Whatever reasons you had before, they no longer apply. If you choose huge goals fueled by dreams, even while you're getting through this challenge in your life, nothing will stop you from embracing life and diving right in!

10. Heal emotionally. Number 10 says it all. Do whatever it is you have to do to heal. Emotional baggage will weigh you down forever and keep you from enjoying life. Learn who you are, your talents, strengths, and what gives you joy and energy. Learn who you are independent of another person or partner. Once you've healed and really know who you are and what you want, then you can give to a relationship of your choice based on who you've become, not who you used to be or as defined by your spouse. Define yourself according to you, not someone else then accept and celebrate that person. You are worth it!