Sex With Your Ex May Feel Amazing, But It Might Be Doing THIS To You

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Heartbreak, Sex

Just DON'T do it.

There is something comforting about the touch of a familiar lover. The routine is comfortable and there are no surprises. Even in a rush, you can get in and out in a jiffy. 

This habitual behavior seems harmless ... right?

"I will just have sex with them until I meet the right one," you think. You decide to maintain a "friends with benefits" agreement with your ex because you're afraid to be alone or for the physical and sexual pleasure. Though those things are pleasurable in the moment, they're creating long-term damage on your self worth.

Believe it or not, when you continue sleeping with your ex, who you have no intention of getting back together with, you slowly chip away at your own value.

It works like this: you sleep with your ex and they leave. Then, after all the feel good chemicals subside, you're left feeling alone. Subconsciously, you're telling yourself that you are just worth the sex and not the long-term commitment you long for. 

Many people try and excuse this type of behavior by saying things like, "we have an agreement," or "I don't really look at it as anything, just a hook up." These statements are just a facade over the guilt and shame that lurks beneath the surface. If you're not honest about how it makes you feel, then you aren't honoring yourself. 

It's not about whether you think it's morally right or wrong. It's all about how you feel after it's over.

Does it make you feel proud of yourself — or ashamed? Would you call up your parents and tell them about it? If the answer is no, then you know in your heart you are not proud of your choices. Most people don't realize that these small actions all add up. They tell us we have no self worth, self control, or healthy boundaries. 

If we continue to act in a way that breaks down our worth, then when we want to start dating, we will only look for what we feel we deserve. I can't say this loud enough or as many times as it needs to be heard:

We only look for and date those people we feel we are worthy of, and if you claim you keep settling for the guy you just left, then what? Take a wild guess as to how that next relationship will go.

The way to break this bad cycle of self destruction and self sabotage is to stop the behaviors that make us feel worthless.

If you sneak a cookie every night before bed and you know that it will make you feel bad, don't do it. It's literally not worth it. You're valuable. You're royalty and you deserve to be treated as such.

No one will take care of you until you start to take care of yourself.

I used to abuse my body with alcohol. I knew it was hurting me but I kept it up because it was fun and made the world disappear. But one day, I woke up and realized that I was worth more than that. Today, I am sober and it has increased my self worth a million times. No one could make the change but me. I had to decide I was worth it. Sneaking a drink here and there when no one is looking still matters because I'm looking. I'm the only one that matters. 

Sleeping with an ex is just like telling yourself that you're not worth the wait. You give away a piece of yourself every time you get in bed with them. Your value is not worth giving away just for a quick moment of pleasure. Really look within and find the strength to know your worth.

Make the choice to be proud of yourself and how you show up in the world.

Davis Maestas is a relationship coach and author. He wrote the book, Loveaholic: Expose the Secret Addiction That Is Killing Your Love Life.