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Acting on fear and panic will push them away further.
By Lee Wilson — Written on Mar 26, 2020
Dating and relationships don't always end in happily ever after. Sometimes, heartbreak happens. And for most of us, our first reaction after a breakup is panic.
That might even be putting it mildly — some of us majorly freak out after being dumped!
The one you love has blindsided you. They have yanked the rug out from underneath you, leaving you feeling completely rejected. You just can't stay calm!
A person who knows you well and who you thought shared a genuine connection with you, has decided to walk their path without you.
You might even feel that this person chose to leave because of their intimate knowledge of you — as though you weren't worthy of their love.
If you are going through that right now, it's time to take a short break from your emotions. I want you to simply breathe and make that your focus for now.
In a few moments, you may go back to the panic and sorrow. But for now, you need to consider a few perspectives (and very important dating advice) that could help you find peace and see things more clearly.
Here are 5 reasons to not panic and stay calm after a breakup so you can think clearly about moving forward.
1. You have plenty of time.
You don’t have to win them back this moment or today. You don’t have to persuade your ex to get back together with you immediately.
If you have been seriously dating this person for more than a couple of months, the odds are in your favor that they won't be able to move on quickly, anyway.
Even if your ex wants out of your relationship for good, they are still going to require time to find emotional balance and healing before they can even think of considering another person as a love interest.
So while completely understandable, the panic you may feel about your ex moving on with someone else is unnecessary. As long as the two of you are living, there is hope that you can reunite.
For all you know, this breakup could end up being a blip on the radar of a lifetime in love.
2. What you are feeling is psychologically predictable.
By pulling away and breaking up with you, your now-ex has become even more attractive in your eyes. They have made themselves seem untouchable, and that makes you want them even more.
I have literally sat with people who one day wanted to break up, but on the following day desperately wanted that person back — simply because the other person had left them first.
So, understand that part of why you feel the way you do right now is related to the "hard-to-get phenomenon." It’s not necessarily because you want this person as bad as you think you do at this moment.
I'm not questioning your love for them or your desire to be with them. I'm just saying that at the moment, this strong feeling has become greatly magnified due to the circumstances.
3. Distance may make them re-think the breakup.
If you stay away and allow your ex to truly experience the heartbreak brought on by the breakup, they might realize they don't want it. Because if you text, call, and beg them to come back, you aren't fully allowing them to see what it’s like without you.
If you believe your relationship was a good thing and had a lot of wonderful moments, then stand on that. Back away and give your ex the opportunity to miss you.
It sounds simple, but you might be surprised to learn that this one strategy is often all it takes to cause them to come back.
You also show them that you are a mature and considerate person in that you are not going to try to force something on them that they don't want. Respecting them is attractive in its own right.
4. Avoiding drama prevents stress.
Making the breakup a dramatic ball of continual stress gives your ex reasons to stay away.
So, if your ex decides they want to reconnect but then remembers how you acted when you two broke up, they might not want to risk going through the drama again with you if it doesn't work out.
By making the breakup easy and by demonstrating maturity in the face of not getting your way, you allow the focus to be on the relationship itself.
Remember, less is more.
When you stay calm and don't fight the breakup, you show your ex that you are an impressive person who displays dignity and strength during a difficult time.
This flips the tables on your ex: You become the one who appears to be somewhat untouchable.
When you don't reach out or contact them, they experience separation anxiety. They don't feel that you're waiting around on them.
Since you aren't chasing them, they're left wondering what you are doing without them. They have to actually consider the possibility that they may have blown it with you.
This realization that you so kindly allowed them to have simply by giving them the breakup they thought they wanted, can have powerful results.
5. You save yourself from emotional storms.
I'm not saying you won't hurt from this breakup.
But if you know that you're giving yourself the best chance possible to get this person back, you're going to have more moments of peace and fewer moments of hopelessness.
I hope you feel better at this point than you did when you first started reading and that you don’t see a reason to go back to panicking.
But, if you do, maybe read this article again and allow yourself to believe it.
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Lee Wilson is a dating coach who works with individuals to become their most attractive selves for successful relationships and to reunite with their ex after a breakup. To get his help and a tailored map to getting your ex back, visit My Ex Back Coach.