Turns out "getting back in the mood" requires some fun NON-sexual action first.
By Todd Reed — Written on Dec 29, 2014
When it comes to your sex life, are you and your partner functioning on autopilot?
C'mon, be honest. When's the last time you and your partner enjoyed an off-the-charts night of passion?
Sure, the two of you get along famously, and there's definitely still a spark. But, has the sex lately been just ... well, so-so? If so, you're far from alone.
According to a recent CNN poll, over 40 million Americans admitted that the sizzle had fizzled in their relationships. And get this: In a recent survey by Nest.com, more than 60 percent of newlyweds confessed to a loss of lust.
What gives? Whether you're a newlywed or many years hitched, your sex life is bound to ebb and flow. This is normal and natural, so don't panic.
Your hustle-bustle schedule is partly to blame, often leaving you both feeling tired, frazzled, and too busy to get busy. Factor in stress at work, the demands of kids and family life, household chores, financial obligations, and a long to-do list, and having great sex often tumbles to the bottom.
Little wonder if unwinding from the daily grind has you grabbing for the remote control, your iPad to surf the Net, or even a pillow to catch a catnap, instead of reaching for your partner's body.
Then, there's the one-two punch of that increase in sexual familiarity, coupled with a decrease in "honeymoon hormones" flowing through your veins. Even if you're a newlywed, you can chalk up a lackluster love life to all of the above ... plus a dip in dopamine.
Scientists tell us that when folks fall in love, levels of this brain chemical soar, causing a heart-pounding obsession with your object of desire. As dopamine rises, so does testosterone—the hormone that fuels sexual urges in both men and women.
Sadly, within six months to a year, dopamine levels return to normal, and your sex life can easily take a nosedive from hot-and-heavy to ho-hum.
But, not to worry. It's easy (and a hell of a lot of fun) to banish bedroom boredom and get your groove back.
Try these steam-it-up solutions to bring back the wow factor:
1. Touch each other ... a lot.
It's called the "mother of all senses" for a reason. The skin is the largest organ of the human body, measuring a whopping two square yards. If you crave cuddling, here's why: a woman's skin is at least ten times more sensitive to touch and pressure than a man's.
To get that skin-on-skin high going for you (and we all know where that can lead), give each other massages, take a walk holding hands, crank up your iPod and slow dance, or snuggle on the couch together.
Every 30-second hug measurably increases levels of oxytocin, a hormone in women that creates a sense of connection with her man. Good news: a make-out session reaps those same benefits and more, so snuggle up.
2. Kiss with your eyes open.
When your lips touch, keep your eyes open. Just slightly open works, even if it's only for a few seconds at a time. This allows you to focus on your partner, stay present in the moment, and take in the passion he's experiencing, too.
Peeking during a lip lock also reinforces the delicious effect your partner has on you, and that can make you feel more sensual. Try it. The sparks will fly and the fireworks will follow.
3. Go for goosebumps.
If you're too tired to do anything but park your butts in front of the TV and watch a movie, go for a thriller.
You'd think a romantic movie would work better at pumping up the passion, but Dutch arousal researcher Erick Janssen, Ph.D., found scary movies are far sexier. That's because the emotions these flicks bring to the surface—like fear, anxiety, and distress—contribute to greater levels of arousal, making you "thirst for cuddling and protection" from your partner.
4. Shake things up.
If you want more va-va-voom in your bedroom, skip the bedroom altogether. Recharge those dopamine levels from the early days when you couldn't keep your hands off each other by making sex more surprising.
Vary the venue by moving beyond the boudoir. Try out a new time—like a morning quickie in the shower. Switch up your wardrobe (remember, men are super visual). Experiment with new moves, new positions, and new toys. Novelty is the ultimate aphrodisiac, so figure out fresh ways to push each other's hot buttons.
5. Whisper sweet nothings in his ear.
When you share terms of endearment, do it in a super soft tone of voice, even a whisper; then watch him quiver. Whispering by its very nature is crazy intimate. There's something super sensual and intoxicating about that mouth-ear connection and feeling the whisperer's hot breath on your ear. In fact, scientists who study this very topic call this pleasant tingling sensation a "brain orgasm."
6. Crack a book.
With the blockbuster success of Fifty Shades of Grey, many couples are curious about dipping their toes into more sexually adventurous waters. Getting kinky isn't required here, but reading sexy bedtime stories together can definitely ramp things up in the bedroom.
For starters, it's a no-brainer that naughty tales will spark sexual arousal, making you crave more amour. Psychology Today says women who read romance novels make love with their partners 74 percent more often than women who don't.
And, according to The Journal of Sex Research, when women fantasize frequently (as they do when they read steamy novels), they have sex more often, have more fun in bed, and engage in a wider variety of erotic activities.
Turning the pages of a steamy novel together can also raise your erotic temperature through the roof, trigger your imagination, serve as a springboard for role-playing, and best of all lead to mind-blowing sex.
To help you bust out of a sex rut, I'm offering a free gift. For a downloadable copy of "Date Night," a smoking hot, curl-your-toes sexy short story written by Rocky Eastbourne, shoot me an email.