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There's nothing worse than being rejected after a great date.
By Ronnie Ann Ryan — Written on Mar 16, 2018
One of the most common dating problems women face is wondering why he didn't call. You know, that great guy you had so much fun with and never heard from again? Men mysteriously disappear, and dating rejection can be jarring and feel really crummy.
Julie, one of my clients, faced this challenge, when she was blindsided by rejection after a great first date.
She connected with Bruce through a dating site. They exchanged emails and spoke on the phone.
They met for coffee and chatted up a storm for over two hours. She told me it was obvious that Bruce was interested in her.
At the end of the date, Bruce asked Julie for a second date. The next week, they went skating. She said he was a total gentleman and that they both had a lot of fun. Unfortunately, at the end of the date, instead of asking her out again or even saying he would call her, Bruce suggested she call him "some time" because "it would be fun to talk."
Julie was surprised by this proposition and didn't know what to make of it. After four days, Bruce still hadn't called her, and she asked me what I thought. Was this his way of rejecting her by avoiding a third date?
She felt confused. How could a date go so well, and then, the guy just doesn't call? Julie wondered, "Does he expect me to call him?" With me as her dating coach, Julie is savvy enough to know that the last thing she should do is start pursuing him.
There are thousands of reasons why a man doesn't call a woman after a great date. But the bottom line is this — whatever the reason, the guy changed his mind. Let's get clear on how he communicated this. When you read between the lines of what Bruce said to Julie at the end of the second date, he told her he wouldn't be calling again.
He had already demonstrated that he knows how to pursue a woman, but after skating, he dropped the ball in her court, suggesting she call him. That was his way of saying "I'm no longer going to pursue you."
That doesn't mean he wants Julie to call him. Nope, he changed his mind and moved on. I know this is tough because every woman wants to know why. Julie wanted to know what happened or what she might have done wrong to turn him off.
When a man stops calling within the first few dates, he has done you a favor. How can I say that? Well, he didn't waste months of Julie's time before disappearing. He quickly figured out the match didn't suit him and left her free to find a better man.
A man who stops calling has saved you a lot of pain down the road. If and when this happens to you while looking for love, remember it's a sure sign he was not the right man for you. Yes, it really is that simple.
Frankly, I am proud of Julie for not contacting him. That took guts and confidence.
My best advice as a dating coach for women is this: "Why didn't he call?" is not the right question. Instead, ask yourself, "Who's next?" There are so many more men available to meet and date. Putting a positive spin on a guy not calling helps you dust yourself off and get back out there quickly to cross paths with a man who knows you are the one for him.
Get more dating advice from Ronnie by downloading her book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women make that Keep Them Single
This article was originally published at Never Too Late. Reprinted with permission from the author.