Shaken, Not Stirred: 5 Signs Your Marriage May Be On The Rocks

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couple fighting

Are marriages fixable once you discover a problem? Most of the time, yes.

However, I can't tell you how many couples sit down with me in counseling and wonder why they're experiencing a marriage on the rocks.

The problem is that most of the time, relationships that are presently troubled have slipped into problematic patterns slowly.  

As time passed, the couple drifted further apart and didn't realize anything was wrong until they reached a point where they either looked at each other as strangers, or their communication patterns had become so poor that they could no longer engage in a civil conversation.

However, there are little signs that you can look for that show you have a marriage on the rocks.

Awareness of the warning signs can help you and your partner start coming up with new, healthier patterns that will help you enjoy a long, loving marriage.

RELATED: 2 Huge Signs Your Marriage Is Headed For Divorce, According To Psychologists

Here are 5 signs you have a marriage on the rocks.

You start going to bed at separate times.

When you start going to bed at separate times, three things can happen.

The most important of the three is that you stop having those intimate minutes of conversation with one another before you drift off to sleep.

This may seem like a minor thing, but over time  it's not.  

When lives get busy, quite often this is one of the only times couples have to themselves, so those few minutes before you go to sleep can help the two of you stay engaged in one another's lives — it's a bonding thing.

The other things that happen when you start to go to bed at separate times are that you are less inclined to cuddle, which usually leads to the third thing — less sex.  

You start to do more and more things separately (from errands to attending family events).

You are slowly becoming less engaged with one another which means both of you will be more inclined to seek a strong connection outside your marriage.  

Even the most mundane activities that couples do together have a bonding value.  

You consult with each other less and less about major decisions (e.g., job changes, big-ticket purchases).  

This is usually a recipe for major arguments.

When you're a couple, major decisions should ideally be mutual because they tend to have an impact on both of your lives.

When you stop consulting each other about major decisions, you're basically sending the message that your partner's wants and needs are not important — this is never a good thing for a marriage.

You no longer know each other's passwords on social media.

When you start having secret passwords on social media, it's usually a pretty good indication that you don't want your spouse to see something.

If you're doing something you're not comfortable with your spouse finding out, then you shouldn't be doing it ever.

RELATED: The 50 Best Marriage Tips Of All Time, From 50 Marriage Experts

You make love less often.  

Skin-to-skin contact keeps the love hormone oxytocin flowing between the two of you. If you're not making love on a regular basis or at the very least touching often, you will produce less oxytocin.

If you don't have time to make love on a regular basis, then hug  it only takes about 20 seconds to stimulate oxytocin and when you do, you'll feel more bonded with one another.

If your marriage has shown any of these signs, you could find your marriage on the rocks.

Communicate any issues with your partner in order to solve them, and focus on having a loving, long-lasting marriage.

RELATED: The 12 Common Problems That Threaten Even Happy Marriages

Christina Steinorth-Powell is a Licensed Psychotherapist and one of a handful of therapists licensed in four states. She is the author of the new book Cue Cards for Men: A Man's Guide to Love and Cue Cards for Life: Thoughtful Tips for Better Relationships. You can order her books here.