If You Want To Fall In Love With The Man Of Your Dreams, You Must Know One Thing
Is it possible to have a realistic version of your dream relationship?
Dean Drobot | Canva Dating is rough, and after every dinner or round of drinks, you may be wondering, "Should I date him?" The man of your dreams might not be so obvious, especially if you don't understand men to begin with. Finding true love isn't exactly black and white, especially because each person you date is complicated in their way. One of the main reasons a woman has difficulty sustaining a relationship with a man is that she starts without really knowing what it’s like for a man ... to be a man! Let me explain. Read these two statements carefully, and think about them for a little bit:
- He’s a solid rock for you to lean on, but he’s also sensitive and can cry.
- He’s able to fully express his feelings with you, but he won’t let emotions cloud his judgment.
Sounds like a dream guy, right? But do you see the paradox in both of these statements above? I hope so. Because expecting a man to meet that kind of criteria is exactly what can lead to disappointment for you. A man — a real man — doesn’t come packaged like that. Yet that’s what men are often up against The expectation that they are capable of both fully accessing their feelings and fully able to deny their feelings to be what society might deem “manly.”
This is what I call the “emotional but impermeable man.” And he doesn’t exist — at least not in real life. Lots of men have been taught or "conditioned" that consistent, emotional, and intense displays of interaction are a sign of weakness, even though this couldn't be further from the truth. Women, on the other hand, seem to have a natural understanding of the beauty and the power of emotional connection, and they are often valued and encouraged for their "emotional intelligence" and ability to relate, share, and understand. What does this mean?
That’s right: An inevitable disconnect between what’s real and what a man can deliver. This is a breeding ground for all sorts of dating disappointments if you don’t understand and accept what a man is and isn’t truly capable of in a relationship. Does this mean you should short-change yourself and what you want in a relationship? No. It means you just need to shift your thinking a little so you can create a dream relationship together.
Just understanding that it’s virtually impossible for one human being to be both impermeable and emotional will go a long way for you — a man will automatically feel more at ease with you, and you’ll, in turn, motivate him to be a better partner for you. Understand that he might be a sensitive type, but that means you might need to be the more levelheaded one during stressful moments. Or the opposite might also be true. If he’s a take-charge kind of guy, he might have a harder time expressing his feelings. Does this mean you’re settling? No, it means you’re being real. And because of that, you’ll have a much easier time attracting and keeping a connected, lasting, real relationship — one you both feel fulfilled and happy with.
Christian Carter is a dating coach and author of the e-book Catch Him & Keep Him. He has helped more than three million women become more successful with men, dating, and relationships.