Love, Self

If You Want To Fall In Love With The Man Of Your Dreams, You Need To Know This

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Should I Date Him? Relationship Advice For Understanding Men So You Can Find True Love

Dating is rough, and after every dinner or round of drinks, you may be wondering, "Should I date him?"

The man of your dreams might not be so obvious, especially if you don't understand men to begin with. Because finding true love isn't exactly black and white, especially because each person you'll date is complicated in their own way. 

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One of the main reasons a woman has difficulty sustaining a relationship with a man is that she starts off without really knowing what it’s like for a man ... to be a man! Let me explain.

Read these two statements carefully, and think about them for a little bit:

  • He’s a solid rock for you to lean on, but he’s also sensitive and can cry.
  • He’s able to fully express his feelings with you, but he won’t let emotions cloud his judgment.

Sounds like a dream guy, right? But do you see the paradox in both of these statements above? I hope so.

Because expecting a man to meet that kind of criteria is exactly what can lead to disappointment for you.

A man — a real man — doesn’t come packaged like that.

Yet that’s what men are often up against: The expectation that they be capable of both fully accessing their feelings and fully able to deny their feelings in order to be what society might deem “manly.”

This is what I call the “emotional but impermeable man.” And he doesn’t exist — at least not in real life.

Lots of men have been taught or "conditioned" that consistent, emotional, and  intense displays of interaction are actually a sign of weakness, even though this couldn't be further from the truth.

Women, on the other hand, seem to have a natural understanding of the beauty and the power of emotional connection, and they are often valued and encouraged for their "emotional intelligence" and ability to relate, share, and understand.

What does this mean?

That’s right: An inevitable disconnect between what’s real and what a man can actually deliver.

This is a breeding ground for all sorts of dating disappointments if you don’t understand and accept what a man is and isn’t truly capable of in a relationship.

RELATED: 5 Early Warning Signs That Your New Man Is Emotionally Unavailable

Does this mean you should short-change yourself and what you really want in a relationship?

No. It means you just need to shift your thinking a little so you can create a dream relationship together.

Just understanding that it’s virtually impossible for one human being to be both impermeable and emotional will go a long way for you — a man will automatically feel more at ease with you, and you’ll, in turn, motivate him to be a better partner for you.

Understand that he might be a sensitive type, but that means you might need to be the more levelheaded one during stressful moments.

Or the opposite might also be true. If he’s a take-charge kind of guy, he might have a harder time expressing his feelings.

Does this mean you’re settling? No, it means you’re being real.

And because of that, you’ll have a much easier time of attracting and keeping a connected, lasting, real relationship — one you both feel fulfilled and happy with.

RELATED: 5 Must-Know Tips To Keep The Dating Scene From Eating You Alive

Understanding attraction and how it works is absolutely critical if you want to create a connected, lasting relationship with a man. To learn more about the kind of woman a great guy is attracted to for the long term, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter

This article was originally published at eHarmony. Reprinted with permission from the author.