3 Very Necessary Steps To Take Before Dating After Separation

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3 Steps To Take Before Dating After Separation

Just because you are going through a marriage separation, it doesn't mean that you are "off limits" to the single scene. It can seem daunting, especially while you pick up the pieces of your failed relationship, but there is hope for you.

Before you enter into the world of dating after divorce, you need to be sure that you have covered the basics in your breakup before thinking of starting something new. Here are three key things you must do to ensure your next relationship is hassle free and a potential success.

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1. Secure your own separate residence from your ex-spouse.

There are already a number of obstacles to overcome in new relationships, and following a separation, many couples choose to live under the same roof due to finances or other reasons such as children. This is a huge road block, and considered a red flag to someone out there interested and ready to develop a long-term relationship with someone special.

Living under the same roof as your ex-wife or ex-husband is a hard pill to swallow for someone new in your life, particularly when you have to assume you're not the only fish in the sea of selection.

2. Be sure you're over your breakup.

Getting over the pain and hurt of a breakup is a challenging and difficult task. It is not the time to be exploring a new relationship when all of your focus and energies are on your own hurt feelings and pre-occupations.

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Before you get started, you need to get over it. There is always a certain amount of time we need to repair and recover from the damage of a failed relationship. We have to feel good about where we are and the emotional space we're in before we consider dating after divorce or separation.

3. Don't assume all men and woman are created equal.

When you're done licking your wounds from your relationship, you're typically left with memories of your last partner. Many people will paint all new partners with the same brush, and make assumptions that this person is going to be just like the last person. 

You can find no fault in anything from your partner in the early stages of dating. But then, at some point, because we're all human, he'll show up 15 minutes late for that event, or he didn't call you before he went to bed, and you're automatically thinking "I knew it! He's just like they all are."

We're not perfect, and we will be guilty of showing our imperfections during the course of a relationship. Having said that, it doesn't mean that at the first sign of trouble your partner is exactly like the last guy. You don't want to set yourself up for failure in your mind by giving your partner an attitude because the last guy in your life hurt you.

The common denominator in all of your relationships is you. So whoever the new parnter is in your life, they are different. Be careful not to create problems that don't exist or to make unfair accusations based on your past relationships.

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Carmelia Ray is a dating, matchmaking and attraction expert with 20+ years of experience. She has worked with North America’s largest and leading professional matchmaking companies, helping thousands of singles achieve their relationship goals.