3 Sad Reasons Married Couples Stop French Kissing

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Why People Stop French Kissing After Getting Married
Love, Sex

French kissing is the signature kissing during the ‘falling in love’ period.

French kissing is the signature kissing during the ‘falling in love’ period.

Sadly, for most couples, it’s a common sign that the romantic love has taken a backseat. It is wonderful to see couples enjoy kissing with perfect concentration wherever they find themselves, completely ignoring who’s around them. They lustfully merge with each other’s energy and fluids, which starts to speed up the production of happy hormones.

Unfortunately, most lovers who have been together for more that 2 or 3 years, avoid French kissing and substitute it with smooching or pecking kisses that, in most cases, diminish the turn on instead of increasing it.

Why does this happen? Why do people stop French kissing, especially after marriage? Here are a few reasons:

1. They are too busy.

Over time, couples do not want to bother with French kissing because they are tired with their busy lives. They also think that the relationship is solid enough, so they feel that they don't have to invest in it as much as before.

They rationalize that French kissing takes more energy than a regular peck on the cheek and superficial lip kissing. They no longer remember how much French kissing awakens passionate energy and deeper connection.

2. They feel ignored by their partner.

Another reason is that perhaps one or both of you have built up levels of resentment that chokes the energy. A woman is especially sensitive about not being ‘seen’ or ‘acknowledged’ by her partner.

This was the case for a couple I worked with: Patricia and Randy.

They used to French kiss often and passionately. They liked each other’s smell and juices and the deeper embraces that accompanied the deep kissing. French kissing was a real turn on and preceded all their lovemaking. Randy would look longingly at Patricia’s luscious lips and told her she was the sexiest woman he ever met. Patricia was in heaven.

However, after about 3 years, Patricia often felt ignored by Randy. She no longer bothered to brush her teeth and put some balm on her dry lips before the sensuous encounter. Randy did not miss French kissing. For him, the "main meal" was more important than the "appetizer". He did not mind skipping the appetizer.

3. They can't express what they want.

Another reason that many couples stop French kissing is because one or both partners feel misunderstood and they don't have the communication skills to express their needs and desires.

If you have a desire that you have squelched, how can you long for French kissing

The passion cannot move through your veins unless there is complete freedom to be yourself and express yourself, the kind of freedom you were giving to each other when you met.

For French kissing to happen, your energies must be unblocked and move freely. 

As stated by John Gray in Men are from Mars and Women from Venus, most men love direct communication and most women love a more circular way of communication. When men retreat to their cave to cool off, women are churning the issue in their heads

In the beginning, romantic relating is easy, but later, as the complexity of life takes over, it’s important to set up a time to communicate and express your desires.

When there is clear communication there is passion.

If communication is clear and flowing, resentment — one of the killers of love — does not build up. You want the best for your lover, not resent him. This is not selfish, it’s self-full.

Why settle for a little bit of hard candy when you can have a delicious chocolate morsel? French chocolate, perhaps?

Make time for French kissing. It’s good for your soul. French kissing is one of the ways to keep the relationship firing on all cylinders.

Carla Tara is a psychotherapist, Tantra master, relationship counselor, intimacy expert, and public speaker. If you enjoyed the article and want to learn about other intimacy secrets, please visit 1tantra.com.