7 Essential Questions You Must Ask Yourself Before Ending Your Relationship
Are you making the right decision?
unsplash Making the decision to break up is a big one that shouldn't be taken lightly. If you're considering ending your relationship, there are some questions to ask yourself first.
You've had those moments in relationships where you feel you’ve done all you can to make the relationship work and be happy. And while there are really good parts of a relationship, there are parts that are difficult as well.
There are also certain weaknesses in the relationship that make it challenging to stay and work things through with your partner.
So how do you know when to break up?
If you find yourself in a difficult spot because you’re conflicted or confused about your relationship, ask yourself these questions to gain clarity before you decide to end your relationship or marriage.
Here are 7 questions you must ask yourself if you are wondering when to break up.
1. "Do I see myself with them in five years?"
It’s hard to imagine ten to twenty years from now, so five years in the future is more reasonable when you’re thinking about your future and whether or not a person may be in it.
The amount of growth, obstacles, and challenges couples face within five years can drastically change the outcome of a relationship for better or worse.
You may be nowhere near where you thought you were going to be, and your projections will change constantly, so make sure you can see yourself with the other person each and every day.
2. "Does the good in our relationship outweigh the bad?"
All relationships have their ups and downs. Unfortunately, it’s inevitable.
If you can't say you’re happy more than half of the time with someone, maybe it’s time to do a list of pros and cons or something of a similar nature in hopes of pinpointing what the problem may be.
Does the list of good outnumber the bad?
3. "Are we distancing from each other?"
Do you talk about surface-level things, or are you still able to communicate about deeper, more intimate things?
Make sure to evaluate what your conversations consist of as well as your nonverbal behavior and communication. Is he/she being aggressive or assertive? Is he/she getting defensive or listening? Is your partner spending more time away from home than at home?
This could be an indication of emotional withdrawal or possible cheating.
4. "Do I truly love my partner?"
Is this someone you can spend the rest of your life with and compromise with? Are you able to overlook the flaws because of the good that this person comes with?
Some people are so caught up in the fairy tale ending that they forget or completely ignore what love is and what it entails.
I can say with almost 100 percent certainty that I have truly loved one person in my life even though I thought I was in love prior to that particular person.
5. "Do I trust my partner?"
This question encompasses so much more to the concept of trust. Does your partner weaken or rest your insecurities or do they feed into them? What is your partner's past in terms of relationships and why they failed?
Taking the general concept and breaking it down to different parts of both yours and your partner's life helps create a bigger and more detailed image of how successful (or not) your current relationship will be.
6. "Am I putting in more effort and energy into the relationship than my partner is?"
Effort and energy put into a relationship can mean various things depending on who you’re talking to.
For example, your partner may be emotionally supportive, but may not show affection as much as others.
You have to weigh how much you both have sacrificed and compromised to determine whether or not your partner is fully invested in the relationship.
7. Do I feel loved, cherished and appreciated?
A relationship should, for the most part, make you feel loved and secure.
If you ask yourself this question and find yourself tinkering back and forth between yes and no ... it’s probably not as much as you deserve.
This is crucial because if you’re not getting what you want or need from the relationship, it’s a serious time to explore that to determine whether or not it’s worth the fight. Have you communicated with him/her about your concerns? If so, has anything changed?
If you’ve attempted to communicate the issues you have, it’s time to think about what you are getting from this relationship and if it’s enough for you.
All relationships have ups and downs and couples inevitably have tough times together. The most important thing to consider before you end your relationship or marriage is to determine whether or not you're getting what you need and want from the relationship and if your partner is being considerate and supportive.
Brittney Lindstrom is a licensed professional counselor and certified rehabilitation counselor. For more information on how she can help you overcome obstacles in your life, contact her on Twitter.