Love, Heartbreak

5 (Super Simple) Ways To Make Post-Divorce Dating WAY Less Scary

Photo: WeHeartIt
Swim Couple

With all the new gadgets and gizmos, modern day dating has evolved from its old fashioned ways to an entirely new entity. Getting back into dating after a divorce can be tough, and you’ll quickly realize that the tricks you used to use to land ex-lovers may fall flat today. Why? Because they’re outdated.

But fear not, you can get past it! 

Whether you’re looking for a casual encounter or a spouse in the making, here are some modern tips and timeless classics to consider:


1. Stay connected to your love interest.

Even just a few years ago, if you spoke to your love interest everyday, you’d come across as clingy or smothering. Yet in today’s ever-connected world, a text message or online chat is a MUST. With so much technology available at our fingertips, communicating with your special someone on a daily basis is almost expected.

Keep in mind, however, that as much as messaging can get you ahead in the dating game, it can also send you backwards if you go overboard.

2. Open yourself to new opportunities.

As you put yourself back on the dating scene it’s important to go outside of your comfort zone and to create new experiences. Just because you and your ex-wife/husband frowned upon the idea of going dancing on a weeknight doesn’t mean those same opinions or rules hold true today.

Keep in mind that a new partner means NEW wants and needs. It’s important to be receptive to these and take note of what works and what doesn’t. You’re back on the saddle so put yourself out there, try new things and don’t knock it till you have.

3. Talk about the things that happened in your past. 

A problem lots of divorcées face is not knowing where to draw the line on talking about their past marriage. Fortunately, you’re not the only one feeling this way, since this situation is becoming more and more prevalent. With almost fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce, the idea of dating a once-married man is no longer seen as taboo or distasteful.

That said, balance is key. While it’s important to be honest about your history, it’s also important not to over do it with talking about your ex too much. It’s fine to mention the “d” word on a first date, but save the dirty details for down the road.

4. Realize that chivalrous gentlemen are "back in style."

You probably remember a time when being a gentleman was a desirable trait every woman looked for in a man. Yet as society evolved and issues surrounding gender equality movements rose, with it came the notion that courtliness wasn’t “cool” anymore. That’s all changed again, and while chivalry may have been on vacation, it’s back and very much alive.

In today’s dating world, being a proper gentleman is admired. Holding a door, pulling out a chair, having good manners, offering to pay the bill and complimenting your date are all fair play and often expected from men. And if you're a woman, let him open a door every now and again. Some of these traditions may seem old fashioned, but believe me, you can't go wrong being a gentleman (or with one).

5. Be COMPLETELY yourself. 

Sometimes it’s easier said than done, especially when you’ve been with the same one person for so many years. Instead of crafting yourself as the person you were in your relationship, be your genuine self.

As you probably know, marriage changes people. In order to successfully put yourself back on the dating scene, it’s important that you take the time to remind yourself who you are as an individual rather than as a counterpart. To do so, pick up a new hobby or try something you’ve always wanted to do; dress in a way that makes you feel good about what you see in the mirror; surround yourself with positively inspiring people and switch up your daily routine so that you’re not stuck in past patterns by default.

You have a second shot at love, so make it count!