What Sex Ed Doesn't Teach You About Being A Woman

The sex education in our educational system leaves much to be desired.

Sadly, what sex ed doesn't teach you are the empowering and non-fear based aspects of your sexuality. It is up to you to discover those. And fortunately, if you have the right support, it is the most important thing you will ever do.

Most every teenage girl in America will receive some form of sex ed while she is in school. The question is, did it make an impact? And more importantly, did it make a positive impact?

Did the sex ed you were given prepare you for being a healthy sexually active woman in your life?

Can society figure out how to teach healthy sexuality, especially to young women? 

Human needs are complex. You add "female" to that and you get a very delicate or rather subtle and refined environment that is required regarding sexuality. But who would have known? I didn't.  

It took me years and many painful experiences to understand the harshness I had put myself through in intimate settings.

Sexuality is a sacred subject. But in our culture, it is more taboo and shameful than it is considered sacred. For me, that is extremely sad. And I am drawn to help shift that situation.

Most teenage girls don’t have the opportunity to safely ask questions and express their concerns. I definitely didn't have a wise source to turn to. My girlfriends were a source of support but we were all uninformed and moving into this realm rather blindly.

RELATED: Why We Need Sex Ed: 10 REAL Sex Questions From 9th Graders

When a teenage girl is coming into womanhood in her own delicate way, should her first introduction to sex ed be about pregnancy, STDs, and HIV?

Sure those are good things to know about. I question whether a young flowering girl should be fed with more fear-based education instead empowerment regarding her sexuality. I feel there is something strongly missing.

There is so much more to a woman’s sexuality than pregnancy, STDs, and information about HIV. Much of what a young girl first learns about sex in school is fear-based and statistical.

Unfortunately, what sex ed doesn't teach you in school is the idea of sex as something celebratory, sacred and to be deeply honored within yourself. And how to navigate that sacredness.

Part of the problem is that dis-empowering sexual beliefs are passed down.

How can a young girl learn healthy concepts about being a woman and becoming sexually active if she can’t talk about it and if she has poor role models?

By the time you took your first obligatory sex ed course as a teenager, were you already informed of a sexual wisdom from your mother?

Chances are you couldn't rely on your mother for good sex education no matter how well intended she was. She didn't get it herself. She may have even been sexually abused as a little girl and carried those wounds into the present, which is very common.

RELATED: 10 Things Every GOOD Mom Should Teach Her Daughter About Sex

Another problem is that in many homes, the subject of sex is off limits. Or at best, many adults still feel very uncomfortable talking about sex. I see this all the time. Fortunately, that is slowly changing.

None the less, kids are getting sex education from adults who also need a different version of sex education themselves. They are looking through the lens of their own sexual wounds and sexual shame as they speak and teach about sex.

Or you have the other spectrum regarding role models, where it is too promiscuous, unclear boundaries, even overly normalized, and it leaves the child uninformed and confused, especially when comparing it to our social norms of what is expected regarding sexual conduct.

Gosh, overall there are simply too many mixed messages for young girls.

By the time a young teenage girl grows up, gets married, has children, goes to college, becomes a founding CEO of a successful company, climbs Mt. Everest and a few other things, she will still have undiscovered aspects of her sexuality.

She will still feel that there is more to her sexuality than what she has experienced. She will still crave, long and yearn for more connection and intimacy in her life. And completely opening up and enjoying sexual experiences fully may be hard for her to do.

She may even find that her sex life has become one of duty!

Could this all be because the sex ed she got when she was young taught her nothing about being a woman?

Here is what sex ed doesn't teach you (in our standard school system) about being a woman:

1. Pleasure is important for a woman to feel fulfilled in her life.
2. A woman's sexuality has deeper, less known, more mystical aspects.
3. Much of the research and education about sexuality comes from a masculine-oriented point of view. It is immensely important to tune into what is right for YOU.
4. You'll need to overcome social programming passed down to you from a patriarchal past (and present) to create a healthy relationship with your sexuality.
5. A woman’s sexuality is as unique as her fingerprint. Your sexual experiences may be different from what you are told about sex.

What sex ed doesn't teach you is that you'll have to take extra steps in your life regarding your sexuality, if you want your sexual expression to be free from self-shame and shame projected onto you by others.

Sexual sovereignty doesn’t come naturally, especially for women. If you want it you'll have to search it out, educate yourself, get the support, and guidance to make that happen. To be sexually expressed as a woman it is important to know your sexual needs.

A woman’s sexuality is vast and far-reaching. A woman’s essence is healing, so you need to understand the power of your sexual energy. When you express your sexuality is a wholesome way, it is a paradigm shifter.

Knowing your sexual needs is empowering. It is important to engage in self-discovery and self-pleasuring (as opposed to strait out masturbation) in order to have a fulfilling sex life.

Most importantly, what the standard sex ed classes don't teach you is how your sexuality is sacred. It is something you should hold dear and near to her heart.

In conclusion, there is so much more for you to discover about your sexuality. Learning about one's sexuality is, in my opinion, a lifelong journey. And it should be a fun and pleasurable one.

Please do not rely on the sex ed you received in school, from your parents and society for the flowering of your sexuality. Take the time to inform yourself about your sexuality. It is an important part of life, relationships, and intimacy.

Anna-Thea an intimacy educator and author. If you want to know more about what sex ed doesn't teach you regarding sexual sovereignty sign up for her free Sex Ed 101 class. You will be glad you did. 

Watch Amy Jo Goddard's TED Talk on owning your sexual power.

This article was originally published at annathea.org. Reprinted with permission from the author.