The Real Reason Why It's So Difficult For Some People To Find Intimacy In Their Relationships

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How To Deal With Intimacy Issues & Get In Touch With Your Sexuality In Romantic Relationships
Expert
Love, Sex

Sex, love, and intimacy issues in healthy relationships...what a sensitive subject.

Both men and women long for connection. Intimacy, sex, and relationships are complex and therefore have great potential for deep, profound experiences and transformation.

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One of the biggest challenges regarding intimacy issues is that women's sexuality is quite different from men's sexuality. And we live in a culture where men's sexuality is being catered to while women oblige them.

But no matter what sex or sexual orientation you are, we all have intimacy issues. It's part of our learning process and evolution of our consciousness. As you face your intimacy issues instead of avoiding them or pretending like they don't exist, you'll experience more overall happiness and joy.

Relationships are where you'll feel the most pain or the most pleasure. It's up to you and how you deal with the intimacy issues that come up for you in your relationships.

(This is not an exhaustive list but the following are common intimacy issues women are faced with.)

Here are 5 common intimacy issues many women deal with:

  1. Yearning for a deep, heart-centered, and intimate spiritual connection with your partner
  2. Struggling with creating a more authentic connection in your relationship
  3. Wishing that you felt more confident about speaking to your partner about having romantic and intimate sex
  4. Wondering if this is as good as it gets
  5. Thinking your sex life needs resuscitation

These are all common intimacy issues and questions many women ask themselves when it comes to having sex and emotional intimacy.

If this is you, don't let it get you down. You're not the only woman who has these feelings — you're not alone. There is much that can and needs to change regarding what goes on behind closed doors in the bedrooms across the nation and on the planet.

May I get personal? Have you ever faked an orgasm to make a partner feel like they're doing a good job pleasing you?

If you have, what was your reason? Why is talking about female sexuality and your pleasure so taboo? It isn't just you. It's common for many couples to feel challenged to talk about what feels good and what doesn't for them.

Why do we endure things we don't enjoy during lovemaking?

Lovemaking is supposed to be pleasurable but many have a hard time finding their voice to express what would really please them. Some people, especially women, often don't even know what would please them.

As many as 75 percent of all women never reach climax through intercourse alone.

A common intimacy issue is thinking that you need to orgasm during intercourse — it's a parlor trick women must learn. And if you don't know how to do it there's something wrong with you.

Perhaps the greatest reason for this is because men and women are not taught about their bodies in such a way that awakens their full sexual potential. Believe it or not, adults need sex education too!

The good news is that there is a better way. The bad news is that it doesn't happen overnight. These common issues need your compassion.

RELATED: People In The Strongest Relationships Share These 5 Types Of Intimacy

We need to be educated on the idea of outercourse and balancing Intercourse with outercourse. What is outercourse?

The definition of outercourse can have many different ways of expression. What I teach is a healing modality where you hold space for someone's sexual energy.

Intercourse is a masculine expression of sex while outercourse is a feminine expression of sex. We need both. Once you learn how to do a sexual healing on your man, you can get outercourse on the map.

With that said, there isn't one simple solution. This "situation" that often exists in a relationship is a multi-faceted dynamic that is unique to each woman and each relationship. It can be a blessing if you're willing to educate yourself and get the support you need to change the "situation."

What is the big secret to intimacy that you really need to know?

Solve your intimacy issues by deepening your relationship with you. The first step is to deepen your relationship with you and your body. If you want more intimacy in your life you won't find it outside yourself.

You may think that in order to have intimacy, you need to create it with your partner. Well, you do. However, you can't have B before A, so to speak. You first need to create intimacy with yourself.

Intimacy is an inside job. You cannot share with another that which you don't have within yourself. Intimacy is "In-to-me-I-see".

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Do you really know how to love yourself? If you're not experiencing the depth of connection you would like in your life, ask yourself, "Where, in my life, can I deepen my connection with myself?"

When you feel a lack of passion, ask yourself, "How can I create more passion and zest for life in my daily living?"

Start speaking up for yourself.

Do you feel you have a hard time expressing yourself and especially asking for your needs to be met? Where in your life could you start asking for them to be met?

Ask yourself, "What would it take for me to be able to voice my needs?"

Maybe you need to experiment with awakening your voice in smaller ways such as asking for help with a project or taking a risk and speaking your truth when normally you wouldn't. See how it feels when you do take the risk.

There is more to this subject than can be addressed in one sitting. But, what I want to leave you with is this: if you want deeper intimacy in your life, it begins within you.

When you change your inner world your outer world will change accordingly and respond differently. And you'll experience more sensual and sexual pleasure in your relationship, as well as authentic sexual intimacy!

If you're ready for some positive change and want to free yourself from intimacy issues, start first my creating more intimacy with yourself.

RELATED: The 4 Types Of Intimacy Every Couple Has In Good Relationships

Anna-Thea is an author and Certified Divine Feminine Educator. She supports women in speaking up for themselves, especially in the bedroom. Women tell her, "I want more intimacy, I just don't know how to get it." She has easy to use online courses that give you the tools to create the intimacy you are longing for.

This article was originally published at annathea.org. Reprinted with permission from the author.