The 2 Most Important Questions To Ask Yourself To Find Out If Your Soulmate Is 'The One' — And What To Do If He's Not

Photo: unsplash/Davids Kokainis
The 2 Most Important Questions To Ask Yourself To Find Out If Your Soulmate Is The One — And What To Do If He's Not
Love, Self

We believe that when we meet and fall in love with our soulmate, a relationship with them is surely going to last forever.

After all, they're the one, right? Surely, you will work as a couple.

Or will you?

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I once met a man who the moment he first touched me I heard the words, "I love you. I love you. I love you" echoing throughout my body. His touch alone activated that knowledge in my blood and being.

It was unusual, to say the least, and spectacular. The feeling moved through me with the assuredness of something deeply soulful and so certain. He was the best friend of some good friends (other soul friends) of mine.

And the union, our union seemed just oh so right­. But, despite all the initial soulmate signs, including the months that we dated, this man turned out not to be my man.

It can be so confusing when this happens to you.

You meet a soulmate (or a soul friend), someone with whom you obviously have a deep connection, a connection that goes without words, one that is rich in depth and embedded in a love that is felt on both sides.

And then something happens — or life happens — and it turns out that you are not destined to be life partners. In practical terms, this just doesn’t work for the two of you.

It can be so hard to process if the timing or circumstances don’t align for this particular type of union, especially if this is your first time experiencing this depth of connection.

Yet, this kind of deeply soulful experience with someone you are attracted to doesn’t always mean that they are your life mate or that you'll have a healthy relationship.

I’m married now, to a man who is my life mate. I don’t think about my former lover very often now, but when I do, it’s with such a huge sigh of relief that I didn’t end up marrying him and miss out on my real life partner and true love: my husband.

If you are feeling stuck in your relationship, wondering if this person you believe is your soulmate is really "the one," ask yourself these 2 questions:

1. Does the relationship work?

Does it really work? If there all kinds of things that go or feel wrong (be it timing, availability, or personality issues) that you ignore because "this is your soul mate," it’s likely that this person might just be a good soul friend of yours — not your life partner.

In healthy relationships with strong partnerships, there is good give and take. You enhance one another, you bring each other up another level, your gifts and qualities are recognized and valued by one another, your experience of life is better when you are together.

You feel bolstered, not downtrodden, by your relationship with this person. In general, this person makes you feel good about being yourself, just as you are.

When you try to partner or be in a relationship with a soul friend who is not your life mate, it just doesn’t work that well.

You may sense a disparity in terms of equality. Your qualities don’t align and, in some cases, they cancel each other out.

In a friendship, this wouldn’t necessarily matter — you’re not trying to live or create a life together — but in a partnership, you feel it.

It just doesn’t quite work.

2. Are you or the person available?

This can be on an energetic level too — are they truly ready to be partners with you? Are they both internally ready and circumstance ready for you? Do they want to jump in and have a real relationship with you right now?

If not, it’s very likely that you have a soul friendship — not to be confused with a life partnership. You can feel a great and deep love for another human being who is not your partner at all.

You can be seen by them and see them in return. If they truly are yours, you’ll both feel it and know it. What’s yours is yours. It has nothing to do with outside opinions or circumstances.

Souls recognize this.

If you are truly soulmates who are right for each other, the circumstances will align. But, if that’s not right now, don’t waste your time pining for it. It will only harm you internally.

If you are the hold-up, make the changes in your life that are necessary to create an opening. If you’re not ready to do that, that’s a good sign for you that this is not the time or your "one."

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And if they're not "the one," there are 3 things you need to think about that will make things easier for you.

1. Don't give up on love

This isn’t the only person in the whole world with whom you have this connection.

You’ve got other soul friends waiting out there and they come in all shapes and sizes: man, woman, or child. The soul-deep satisfaction of being in the presence of one is sublime, no matter what the actualities of your relationship are.

2. Honor and respect your connection

Your connection is true and deep. What you are feeling is real.

But that doesn’t always translate into romantic love or even a life partnership.

This can be hard to grasp, sometimes. Your mind wants to make it the "everything" in terms of a partnership.

Just because this person is not your life partner, that doesn’t make your connection or the experience any less true or powerful. Your soul knows them and vice versa. It's still true love, just in a different way.

Now, it’s just a matter of finding the right relationship for this connection in this lifetime.

3. Remember that what’s yours is yours

I said it earlier too. In my experience, when you meet the one who is yours, there is a feeling of rightness and of certainty.

It’s easy and natural. It just feels right and good on all levels. It’s not a question of, "Is this a 'yes'?" or "Can we make this work?" It just is a "yes".

And as you roll along in it and watch it unfold it will continue to feel that way too, for both of you. It will work. It does work. In essence, it feels like you belong together and that’s because you do.

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Aimee Cartier is a psychic guide, author, and intuition teacher. If you are struggling with understanding or processing a soulmate relationship question, schedule an appointment with her today.