What You Can Do Today To Save A Loveless, Boring Marriage

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What You Can Do TODAY To Save A Loveless, Boring Marriage

Keeping the love alive in a marriage is a real challenge over the years. Many a wife or husband has decided at a certain point that the love has died and living in a loveless, boring marriage is unacceptable in their lives.

At this point, there are two paths to choose between: One path leads to divorce and new beginnings. The second path leads to learning how to save a marriage and, thus, new beginnings.

It is tempting to think of divorce as a cure-all for all the problems in your marriage. You can leave the person causing the heartache and start over. Maybe you can meet someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated. Perhaps you can find true love and live happily ever after.

Of course, isn't that the way you felt about your spouse when you got married?

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The point is that you may not have a loveless marriage at all. You probably have a marriage that is showing signs of being a bit battered due to the stress of daily living.

It's not easy living with another person, which means marriage is not easy. Anyone who says otherwise has probably not been married.

But marriage is not just drudgery either. There is plenty of fun that is shared between the both of you. When all of the fun stops and the marriage becomes just a seeming burden, it can appear loveless.

When you've been married for a while, it is all too easy to concentrate on just the problems of daily living. Usually, in this day and age, both people work and lead separate lives during the day.

When you begin to have children, your attention is now spent on the children. The days of hand holding dates are over, and instead it's crying children in restaurants or not going out at all because it's too much trouble.

When you get married, the early feelings of passion felt so good. If you think back, life seemed to hold so much promise and joy and excitement. The physical and emotional connections were strong.

Because early love ignites such passion, it is often seen as belonging only to the young. That is such a fallacy, and fortunately, the baby boomer generation has not bought into that theory.

Marriage passion can be kept alive for a lifetime, but only if you make an effort to do so. A marriage is not just about work and responsibility. It should also be about passion and fun and keeping the emotional and physical bonds intact.

Many times, what seems to be a loveless, boring marriage is really a marriage where the passion flame died down to the briefest flicker. Often when it seems that passion has died in a marriage, the truth is that the passion was living elsewhere. 

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People are passionate about their work or their family, but those same passionate people are forgetting to share those feelings with their spouses. To keep love alive in a marriage requires that attention be paid to the relationship.

You can't ignore feelings and expect them to stay alive. You have to nurture relationships, including the one you have with your spouse.

There are many different ways to turn your flickering passion flame into a roaring fire like you once had. You can begin by doing some of the same things you did as newlyweds.

For example, if you used to get dressed up and go dancing, then you should do so again. If you used to spend long evenings drinking gourmet coffee and just talking, it's time to start revisiting that hobby.

This is true no matter how long you've been married, too. You may not be able to take mountain hikes anymore due to age or physical problems, but you can walk in the local park and have just as much fun. The point is to include fun activities in your marriage and not just chores and responsibilities.

What one couple called romantic may not work for another couple. However you define romance, it needs to be a part of your married life. Keeping romance and physical love strong will keep the passion in your marriage alive.

So if you think your marriage is loveless and divorce is inevitable, it's time to rekindle the flames of passion you once enjoyed. Start having some fun with your spouse once again, and you will probably be delighted to learn the love still exists. It had just been ignored.

RELATED: What To Do When Your Marriage Feels Utterly Hopeless

Aaron Kaplan is a Coach Training Alliance-Certified Coach (CTA-CC), Certified Prepare-Enrich Facilitator, and CDC Certified Divorce Coach, who also happens to be an ordained member of the clergy.