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Her husband's ex wants them to go to private school.
By Kurtis Condra
Last updated on Jan 09, 2024
A mother is facing a moral dilemma after her husband lost his job, making it difficult for him to support his children.
In a Reddit post, she explained that she and her husband both have kids from previous relationships. She has two children of her own while he has five, including two which are not biologically his.
According to the woman's post, she believes her husband's ex is "competing" with her. "For example we moved to a bigger house, so she moved to a bigger house within the same year. We got another vehicle and she got another vehicle," she explained.
While the one-sided competition was relatively harmless when it only affected her husband's ex's finances, the woman explained a situation that could potentially affect her own financial responsibilities.
The woman pays tuition for both of her biological children to attend private school.
The woman wrote that despite an agreement with her ex that he cover their kids' private school tuition, "life happened," leading to her paying for their tuition after all.
"Somehow or another it got back to my husband's ex wife," the woman wrote, "and now she's demanding that my husband does the same for their kids."
She noted that although her husband originally made twice the amount of money she makes, he lost his job during the coronavirus pandemic, making it more difficult for him to support his children financially.
"Now I'm making three times more than him thanks to a promotion a couple years ago," she wrote.
The man asked his wife to pay for his kids' tuition as well.
"He can't afford the tuition, but he asked me would I pay for their tuition and he would pay me back," the woman said of her husband's request, noting that "he doesn't care if they go to public or private. He's trying to please the ex wife."
In addition, she explained that her husband is already dealing with "debt from loans he's taken out for college for her older two children who are not biologically his."
Instead of flat-out refusing to help him pay the tuition, the woman explained that she asked him to sign a repayment plan to ensure she was reimbured for loaning him the money for his kids' tuition. However, he refused to sign, so she refused to pay his kids' tuition, leading him to call her "selfish."
After refusing to pay tuition for the kids her husband shares with his ex-wife, her husband called her "selfish."
"Part of me feels guilty because he is my husband and I do have his back at all costs," she wrote, "but this is just one thing I don't."
Everyone agreed that her husband's kids' tuition was "not her concern."
"With all kindness - he sounds like he makes bad financial decisions and lets you fix them," one person commented after the woman noted that she's helped him "straighten out his debt and pay off a few things and put him on a budget" in the past.
While it's natural for the woman to feel for her husband and his kids, as people in the comments noted, there's no reason for the kids to attend private school if it's not financially feasible, and she has no legal obligation to support another woman's children.
According to Stash Wealth co-founder Priya Malani, when couples disagree on finances, it's crucial to try to see things from the other's perspective. “You both work really hard for it and by putting them in your shoes, they may think twice about their actions," she explained to Brides.
Considering both parties in this situation have children from previous relationships, this woman could ask her husband what he would do if she was asking him to pay for her kids to go to school.
"If they don't....you might need to consider if they are neglecting you in other aspects of the relationship,” Malani added.
Finances are a leading factor in relationship issues.
CNBC has reported that a SunTrust Bank survey found that over 30% of people agree that finances cause stress in relationships, with 54% of people believing that debt is a valid reason for divorce.
“Debt can cause conflict and friction in a relationship, but it’s all about communication and how each partner views their debt,” Dr. Regine Muradian, a psychologist and National Debt Relief Financial Wellness Board Member, told CNBC. To save a marriage from falling apart due to finances, Muradian suggests couples "Avoid criticizing each other’s spending habits and instead, work on finding solutions together.”
The woman explained in the comments that she's attempted to put her husband on the right financial path — it's up to him to put in the effort as well.
Kurtis Condra is a poet and writer whose work covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.