Photo: Tranmautritam / Pexels, Lashmit Acala via CanvaPro
Maybe true love really is blind.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Apr 04, 2023
A 23-year-old woman with a 44-year-old boyfriend wrote into Reddit's "r/relationship_advice" subreddit seeking guidance as to whether or not her boyfriend of the past three years is lying to her. She's so convinced he's lying that she asked Reddit just how she could prove his deceit.
The woman offered context for her situation, explaining that while went on vacation to visit family, her boyfriend stayed behind to watch her two cats, Badger and Baxter.
The woman thinks her boyfriend replaced her cat while she was away and now she wants to catch him in the lie.
Badger and her boyfriend have never gotten along, and now, she thinks he got rid of her beloved pet.
She explained that Badger was a rescue who has always had behavioral issues, but recently, those issues escalated. Badger had taken to peeing on her boyfriend’s clothes, scratching her boyfriend while he sleeps, and “occasionally attacking him while we are having intercourse.”
“I believe that Badger is just having adjustment issues due to having another male in the house. Meanwhile, my boyfriend thinks that the cat has a vendetta against him,” the woman said.
After one particular incident in which Badger interrupted an intimate moment between the couple, her boyfriend threw their discarded clothes toward the cat, which made Badger “freak out and hide for a few days.”
“This seemed like the breaking point for all of us,” the woman said. “My boyfriend is set to move in in a few months when his lease is up, but due to Badger's behavior, he decided to give me a choice. Either I get rid of Badger or he doesn't move in at all.”
She stood strong, stating that she felt “appalled” with the very idea of letting go of Badger.
“My cats mean everything to me,” the woman said. She and her boyfriend argued about his suggestion to rehome the cat, but she left for vacation before they were able to come to a definite conclusion.
Her boyfriend watched Badger and Baxter while she was away. She noted that everything seemed to be going smoothly while she was away, from her boyfriend’s calls and texts regarding the cats. Things seemed to be going so well between her boyfriend and her cats that she felt like she might not have to choose between her two loves.
“When I got home from vacation, I went to greet my boyfriend and cats. It was rather late when I got back, so he was sleeping on the couch, and to my shock, 'Badger' was laying in his lap,” she said.
At first, she thought nothing of her cat's behavior. But as time passed, she started to suspect that the cat wasn’t Badger, at all.
“Badger used to cuddle me a lot when I slept, but this cat seemed skittish and far too frightened around the house. Baxter seems wary of him and prefers to stay away, when before they would play all the time,” she noted.
Her suspicions were heightened because of how well her boyfriend and Badger are getting along.
“It's like a switch has been flipped and every time I bring up my concerns that this isn't my Badger, he acts like I'm crazy… I ended up in tears and he keeps calling me insane and paranoid.”
The fact that her boyfriend would cruelly insult someone he supposedly cares for is suspicious enough. His behavior reads like a clearcut case of gaslighting, which the Cleveland Clinic defines as what "happens when someone manipulates you into thinking your version of events didn’t happen the way you say they happened."
Despite her boyfriend's emotionally abusive attitude, the woman trusts her gut. She asked Reddit how to catch her boyfriend in the web of lies he’s crafted. While many people in the comments assumed that the post itself was fake, others weren’t so sure. Some people pointed out that many cats look incredibly similar to one another; some believed there was no way she wouldn’t know if her own beloved cat was switched.
A few people gave her boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. One person commented that “cats like people who feed them,” and that maybe the boyfriend’s care and feeding of Badger led them to bond.
Another person mourned the alleged loss of Badger, commenting that it “seemed like he was a good judge of character.” They suggested the woman should kick her boyfriend out, because “he thinks you're some young thing easy to manipulate. He can take his new cat with him.”
“No matter what happened, this is your new cat,” said someone else. “Decide whether your boyfriend stays or goes.”
It certainly could be a good idea to ditch the man who's calling her insane in favor of keeping the cat, who won't gaslight her and will maybe even treat her with love and respect.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.