Woman's Boyfriend Accuses Her Of 'Emasculating' Him By Paying For Their Dinner And Making Him 'Look Like An Unemployed Bum'

He felt she had embarrassed him when he'd done that all on his own.

couple sitting at restaurant arguing over bill on tablet Mladen Mitrinovic / Shutterstock

A woman revealed that her boyfriend became enraged after she took care of their dinner bill.

Posting to the subreddit "r/relationship_advice" — an online forum where users can share problems happening in their friendships, family relationships, or romantic relationships — a 24-year-old woman shared that she doesn't know what to do after her boyfriend became annoyed with her for paying their restaurant bill.


He accused her of 'emasculating' him and making him look like an 'unemployed bum' after she took care of the bill for their meal.

In her Reddit post, she explained that she and her 33-year-old boyfriend have been together for 18 months and recently went out to a nice restaurant for date night. Usually, when they go out, her boyfriend takes care of the bill, but this one time, she decided to treat him and pay for it herself.

woman's boyfriend accuses her of emasculating him by paying for their dinner billPhoto: Twitter / Reddit


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"I wanted to be nice and give back to him since he has always taken care of me, and when the check came while he was in the bathroom I paid for it," she wrote. When her boyfriend came back out, the waiter had been returning her card, which prompted him to lash out.

He asked her what she had done and when she explained that she'd paid their restaurant bill, he accused her of attempting to "emasculate" him by paying. "I reiterated that I just wanted to do something nice for him since he has always taken care of me, and he shockingly responded by saying, 'So, your idea of being nice is by emasculating me and making me look like an unemployed bum in front of everyone?'"

Hearing her boyfriend's response, she was immediately taken aback by the amount of anger he was displaying toward her, especially since no one in the restaurant had been paying them any attention. She claimed that following that debacle, her boyfriend has now been ignoring her.


woman's boyfriend accuses her of emasculating him by paying for their dinner billPhoto: Twitter / Reddit

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She revealed that he's been making her sleep on the couch, and when she tries to sit beside him, he will get up, go into their bedroom and close the door behind him. "I feel so sad and I'm currently on the verge of tears," she admitted.


"I didn't mean to do anything wrong, all I wanted to do was give back a little since he has treated me so well and yet he's acting like I hurt him somehow." She wondered if there was something that she could do to make it right with him and fix their situation.

In the comments section, many people encouraged her to walk away from the relationship and her toxic boyfriend.

Not only is this woman's boyfriend suffering from toxic masculinity and has a skewed opinion of societal expectations, but it's clear that the relationship is incredibly unhealthy. Relationships should ideally be built on equality and mutual respect.

Both partners should have the freedom and ability to contribute to the relationship in various ways, including financially.

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While she doesn't explicitly mention experiencing financial abuse in her Reddit post, it seems that may be the issue and is an extremely common form of abuse.

Nearly 70% of women have experienced financial abuse in their relationships, according to CentSai, a financial wellness website.

Many people in the comments section warned the 24-year-old woman that she may need to rethink her relationship with her boyfriend.

"You did nothing wrong. The problem is his own. Seems like he’s got a fragile ego. He’s all about how he appears to others. So, I think you’re getting the real him now," one Reddit user wrote.


Another user agreed, writing, "He should be old enough to know better. The way he treats you is no way you should treat a partner. Don't apologize to him, you did nothing wrong. And if he can't see that he embraces toxic masculinity then leave."

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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.