Woman Wants To Give Her Future Children Her Maiden Last Name Since Husband's Last Name Is 'Less Than Ideal'
Her husband wants to continue his legacy, however, she fears that their future children will be teased.
Oksana Shufrych / Shutterstock A woman is seeking advice after she married a man with a rather unusual last name that she fears will result in their future children being teased.
While she understands that her husband wants to “carry on” the name and continue his legacy by giving it to their children, the woman argues that his last name is “less than ideal.”
The woman’s husband’s last name is ‘Butt’ and she is worried about their future children.
Sharing her dilemma to the subreddit, "r/namenerds," the concerned woman sought the advice of other users regarding the situation. She and her husband are in disagreement over whether or not they should give their future children his last name or her maiden name, since she worries that her husband’s last name will cause them to be teased relentlessly.
“My husband’s last name is Butt,” the woman explains. “Can someone please help me illuminate to him why this last name is less than ideal?”
While she claims that she “totally gets” that parents cannot shield their children from everything and she understands the importance of “family ties” of their children having their father’s last name, she is still questioning if it is really fair to them. “Am I being unreasonable by suggesting our future kid either take my name, a hybrid, or a new one altogether?” the woman asked.
Most Redditors agreed with the woman that she and her husband should allow their future children to have a different last name.
“You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Your husband's last name is objectively pretty awful, and of course, you don't want your child to have it,” one user commented.
“A hybrid is a good idea. I've seen some pretty surnames that came from husband and wife combining their surnames in some way,” another user shared.
Other users shared their own stories about encountering others with the last name "Butt" which resulted in them being teased.
“I knew a kid named Zack Butt. Teased relentlessly. At every age,” one user revealed. “I had a teacher with that name and we were the worst about it. Ask him to take your name or make a new one,” another user wrote.
Photo: Melinda Nagy / Shutterstock
Besides the fact that the last name “Butt” is not entirely ideal, other users pointed out that even if the woman did not have an issue with her husband’s last name, their future children were not required to carry on their father’s name.
“You would be still entitled to at least suggest that your child takes your last name since you are also going to be their parent. Your last name has the same family ties and goes back as far as his,” one user noted.
“Regardless of what his last name is, he’s not entitled to giving your kids his name just because it’s ‘tradition.’ Obviously, I think partners need to agree on the kids’ names, but your desire isn’t less valid than his,” another user commented.
The tradition of giving children their father's surname has been challenged over time.
Many people believe that the tradition of children taking their father’s last name is outdated. The belief is rooted in the patriarchal assumption that a father’s surname will ensure his legacy and deepen the family institution.
“There’s this implicit understanding that having the father’s last name is inherently in the child’s best interest,” Deborah Anthony, a professor of legal studies at the University of Illinois at Springfield, told the Atlantic.
Still, the tradition is followed in most heterosexual marriages, with research conducted in 2017 discovering that 96% of the time, the couple’s children are given their father’s surname.
In most Spanish-speaking countries, including Mexico, Spain, and Puerto Rico, children are often given both of their parents’ last names per the tradition that honors both the mother and father’s family. Traditionally, the first surname is paternal and while the second surname is maternal.
Although, there are those who opt to give their children their mother’s maiden name or a hybrid of both of their last names. After all, a mother is just as much of a parent as a father is.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.