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Woman Reconnects With Daughter After Losing Custody But Doesn't 'Trust' Her To Meet Her Younger Kids

Photo: De Visu / Shutterstock
Mom and daughter

One woman found herself in a sticky situation when mistakes from a past love tainted her future with her daughter and left her with the fear of losing the life she built for herself.

She decided to write to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) to get some input on her situation.

The 46-year-old starts by explaining that she has three children: a 24-year-old daughter from her first marriage, and two adolescent boys, 12 and 10 years old, from her second.

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She lost touch with her daughter after her marriage failed.

During her first marriage, the happy couple struggled through financial troubles. Her husband rarely worked but came from a wealthy family.

So, when they were going through their divorce, her ex was able to hire a good lawyer.

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When her ex moved on, she said that he and his new wife alienated her daughter and that by the time the girl turned 14, she was referring to her mother by her first name and her stepmother as “mom.”

“I tried my best to hold on to my kid, I went to all the events I could go to, I planned fun days with the limited funds I had, even when I couldn’t afford to turn on the heat, I still made sure to get her a Christmas gift,” she said.

By the time her daughter reached 16, the relationship had completely deteriorated — her child wanted nothing more to do with her.

“I took them to court, but they did nothing. And the last time I saw her, she said some very awful things to me. I was defeated, but I decided that I no longer had a daughter, since that is literally what she wanted.”

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She eventually moved on and started a new family of her own.

Just when she had accepted that she would never have the type of connection she wanted with her daughter, the young woman reached out last year.

She apologized for what had taken place years ago when she cut her other off and asked if they could start to build a relationship.

Because of what she had experienced in the past, the woman was cautious and still held resentment over the callous way her daughter, her ex-husband, and his new wife had treated her.

Her daughter reached out and asked to spend Christmas with the woman and her new family — she never met her brothers and really wanted to get to know them.

She lashed out, telling her long-lost daughter, “We are not in a stage where I could allow that.”

When her daughter fought back, she told her that she didn't trust her around her new family.

She even went as far as admitting she wasn't sure she even wanted a closer relationship with the girl, for fear of being hurt and rejected once again.

Her daughter asserted that she is being punished for her father’s deeds.

She alleges that the way she treated her mother was a result of the way her father manipulated her, something that she could not control as a child.

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Opinions were mixed on who was right and who was wrong in this situation.

The first commenter placed the blame solely on the detached mother.

They posted, “You were able to snap out of it and work hard to make a life for yourself. Your daughter, who hurt your feelings when she was literally a child, seems to have snapped out of it as well. But you offer her no grace.”

Others simply empathized with the poster and her daughter.

One person stated, “This is just sad for both of you. Your daughter is an adult now and is trying to connect with you. Please don’t throw that away.”

They added a final note on who they thought had created all of the dysfunction in this family saying, “The real [a—holes] here are your ex, the stepmom, and the grandfather.”

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NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.

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