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Her fiancé clearly doesn't respect her.
By Isaac Serna-Diez — Written on Dec 17, 2022
A woman and her fiancé have been together for eight years, but have often struggled with Christmas and giving gifts to each other as they don’t always get exactly what the other person might have wanted.
In order to avoid the disappointment of yet another year with gifts that they didn’t want, the 42-year-old stay-at-home mother decided that this year, they should make a list of things that they wanted instead.
After she told her fiancé the things she didn’t want on her Christmas wish list, he got angry.
She posted about her story on the subreddit “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA), confused over whether or not she said or did something that was unreasonable and could have set him off — foreshadowing the argument to come.
When she originally introduced the idea, she said “he seemed ok with that until I said what I don’t want him to get me — specifically anything purple or any scarves, that was it.”
Her fiancé got mad at her, and instead of obliging by her wishes, decided that he would say things that had other Redditors screaming for her to run for the hills.
“He got mad and said I should be grateful for whatever I get & that since I’m 'poor,'" she wrote before explaining that she is a stay-at-home mom with no income.
“He says I’m spoiled for saying anything and that I ruin Christmas every year.”
Shocked by his outburst, she wondered if maybe she was in the wrong, asking if she was “the a--hole” for telling him what she did or didn’t want, and telling him not to get her anything if he can’t do that.
Reddit users told her that she was “Not the A--hole” (NTA), and that she should leave her fiancé.
“You’re ‘poor?’ You’re his d--n fiancé. Leave him and find a man that respects you,” one user wrote.
“It seems like he doesn’t care if you are happy,” wrote another.
Many pointed out the clear red flags that the man was showing, like saying that she should like anything he gives her.
“Of course if you tell him you don't want a purple scarf he shouldn't fly off the handle saying you're spoiled and should be grateful for a purple scarf! Does he even like you?” another user asked.
“You are his partner. You're only ‘poor’ if he's poor. The larger issue is his disrespect and failure to consider you two a unit financially.”
There were also several people pointing out that there was a power imbalance between them, and that he may have been financially abusing her — something that she addressed in an edit to the post.
She clarified that she is not poor and that she has carried her own weight in the relationship.
“We do both agree that we’d rather have me home with our kids than to have strangers watching them all the time,” she admits. “I am not the best housekeeper, but I do the majority of it as well as cooking.”
She used to have a job that paid well but was laid off after her maternity leave ended and wasn’t able to get another job because she had to take care of the kids.
She pays for the grocery, has a lot of money in savings, and although her fiancé is the one paying for most of the bills, it wasn’t always that way.
“So my being ‘poor’ is not only not true, but it’s due to contributing so much the past few years without much income,” she explained.
After all is said and done, she might need to include “a new man” on her wish list this Christmas.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Keep up with his rants about current events on his Twitter.