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Woman Wonders What To Do After Learning Friend’s Husband Didn’t Tell His Wife He Was Her Sperm Donor

Photo: Natalia Deriabina / Shutterstock
Pregnant woman

A shocked woman came to Reddit after being yelled at by her friend’s wife over her fertility journey.

She posted her question on Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole” forum, where Redditors can share issues and conflicts they’re facing to receive a perspective from a third party.

Asking a question on this subreddit, the original poster (OP) lets other Redditors debate and vote on if they were the a**hole or not.

This woman asked her fellow Redditors if she was the a**hole for not telling her friend’s wife that her husband was her sperm donor.

She’s always wanted children and felt that as an asexual woman, she was “stable enough to bring a child into the world on [her] own.”

So, she decided to go through IVF.

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Her best friend since high school found out that she was looking for a donor and offered to be her sperm donor. She agreed and made it very clear that he wouldn’t be a parental figure in the child’s life but could be an “uncle” due to their friendship.

He agreed, but the woman assumed he would’ve run this by his wife first.

To ensure that she would have full parental rights, the woman used a legally licensed clinic that made sure the paperwork she signed entailed that her friend has “no legal right or obligation towards the babies.”

Now, the woman is currently 33 weeks pregnant with twin girls.

The woman invited the couple to dinner to thank them, but her friend’s wife was confused when she explained what the dinner was for.

The woman explained her reason for having the dinner, then the wife got angry and demanded to know why the two had kept this from her.

She was shocked, and when she asked her friend why he didn’t tell his wife, he responded, “He hadn’t thought it’d matter as he has no rights to them at all.”

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His wife got even angrier and stated she wasn’t comfortable with their son not having “siblings that aren’t really his siblings” and wanted her husband to have rights to the children legally.

When the woman refused, the three got into a big argument, and the wife questioned why the woman didn’t tell her that her husband offered to do this in the first place.

Now, she feels guilty for not checking with his wife first, even though she didn’t think he would have offered without the okay from his wife.

There were mixed results, but many believed the woman to be NTA, “Not the A**hole.”

Redditors who decided that the woman wasn’t the a**hole believed that it was the husband’s responsibility to let his wife know what he planned to do.

And others believed that she was NTA, especially since the wife was suddenly “taking ownership of his offspring.”

Some Redditors voted YTA, “You’re the a**hole.”

Some Redditors felt that it was the woman’s fault for not speaking to her friend as a couple with his wife instead of individually.

Others thought it was simply common sense.

A few even felt that ESH, “Everyone sucks here.”

A user named “Grumpy_Troll” thought it was suspicious that the woman knew her friend was married yet never questioned how his wife felt about everything.

Another Redditor, “Scorcher_11,” felt that ESH. The husband, for not consulting his wife beforehand; the woman, because it was “bold” of her to assume that his wife was okay with everything; and the wife, for demanding that her husband have legal say to the children.

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Ashley Darkwa-Anto is an editorial intern at YourTango who covers News & Entertainment.