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Man Says His Ex-Wife Is A 'Different Person' After Their Divorce — And People Explain The Exact Reason Why

Photo: bnb1980 / TikTok / Ground Picture / Shutterstock
woman smiling, reddit post, reddit comments

A man received a slew of advice and insight into the behavior of his ex-wife after he admitted that he was shocked at how much she's changed since they separated.

Posting to the subreddit "r/trueoffmychest" — a public online forum where people can share personal things that are happening in their lives — he claimed that since getting a divorce, he's noticed a massive change in his ex-wife's demeanor that outright confused him.

He claimed after their divorce, his wife started acting the way she had when they started dating.

In his post, which has since been deleted but was shared on TikTok, he explained that he and his wife had gotten a divorce after he felt her attitude toward him and their marriage wasn't the same as when they had first started dating and during the early years of their marriage.

"She was always [a] Debbie Downer, putting [the] bare minimum into herself and her dress. She was always stressed [and] one minute from a nervous breakdown. I'd tell her to relax and she'd get angry," he recalled in his post. "I'd ask her what she needs from me, she'd throw a tantrum."

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Eventually, he sought out a divorce after not being able to deal with her "hot and cold behavior." However, his perception of her drastically changed after he ran into her at a mutual friend's event following their divorce and noticed that her entire personality and demeanor and changed.

"I saw her today at a mutual friend's wedding, she looks so different. I didn't recognize her at first. She was the woman I dated in college again, beautiful, funny, and the center of the room," he continued. "Why couldn't she be that woman for me? Why did it take me leaving for her to be herself again?"

In the comments section of the Reddit post, many people had reasonable explanations as to why his ex-wife may have changed.

"It's very telling that you say, 'Why couldn't she be that woman for me.' Maybe your attitude and expectations caused the change in her. Now, she doesn't have that stress and she can be herself again," one Reddit user pointed out.

The man's post, which was shared by TikTok user @bnb1980, expanded on that and acknowledged how women will often communicate how they feel toward their husbands, but those words may fall on deaf ears, which could've been the case in this instance.

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"A lot of times women do communicate but when we communicate our expectations and things that we need, it gets labeled as 'nagging.' When we expect men to show up and participate in a relationship, help out with chores, help out with child-rearing, help out with emotional labor and all of that, it gets categorized as nagging," she said in her TikTok video.

She continued, saying that after a certain amount of time, women stop trying to communicate and end up just doing all of the mental and physical load, which causes them to shut down.

"Once a woman sees that her life will improve once you take the men out of the equation, that's what happens. A load is lifted, women aren't carrying all of the load and then they revert back to who they were."

Another Reddit user echoed the same sentiment, writing that it seems his ex-wife "isn't carrying the mental load of marriage" and just seems happier to not be doing so.

According to data acquired by Harvard University, women reported doing 70% of the mental load while men were only responsible for 30% of it. On top of that, women are still handling most of the household responses, per the Pew Research Center, with 58% doing the laundry, and 51% cleaning the house and preparing the meals. 

The sheer volume of carrying all of that mental load in a marriage can quickly become overwhelming for one person to handle. It can put a burden and strain on a relationship, and even cause someone to become a completely different person due to the stress and irritability they experience, which seems to be the case for this man's ex-wife.

While this situation is challenging, it serves as a poignant reminder that for relationships to work, especially marriages, there needs to be a solid level of understanding and mutual divisions of labor. Unspoken issues can fester and lead to an unhappy couple, but with the right amount of communication and work, it can create a harmonious and balanced partnership.

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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.