Mom Considers Changing Custody Agreement After Her Ex Pierced Their Daughter's Ears Without Her Permission

She said she can no longer trust him with their daughter.

By Jonathan Alfano — Last updated on Jan 04, 2024

Photo: Anna Nass / Shutterstock

Making decisions as parents is hard enough, as parents may often have different parenting styles. However, making decisions can become even harder when co-parenting, especially when the two co-parents have differing opinions.

One woman on Reddit found herself facing a co-parenting dilemma after her ex went against her wishes, prompting her to seek a change in their custody agreement that would prevent her ex from keeping their daughter overnight.

The mom's ex allowed their 6-year-old daughter to get her ears pierced without the mom's permission.

In a Reddit post, the mother wrote that her daughter has wanted to get her ears pierced for a long time.

"I think she is too young, i've told her she can get them done when she is ten but it doesn't stop her asking," the mom explained.

However, as kids do, when the mother told her daughter that she couldn't get her ears pierced just yet, the daughter asked her father for the same thing — to which he said yes. When the mother picked up their daughter from her ex's house, she was horrified to see that her daughter had her ears pierced.

"I got really angry I won't deny that," she wrote, telling him that "he had no right to do so without consulting me."

He argued back that she was old enough to get the piercings done and that since she’s his daughter as well, he had just as much say as his ex-wife in the situation.

"I'm not sure I want him to have her overnight anytime soon and i'm planning to consult my Lawyer over this," the woman concluded, noting that while it may be just about earring to some, "I honestly feel I can't trust him as a co-parent anymore."

A successful co-parenting agreement requires parents collaborate with one another in all matters regarding how their child is raised.

Many people in the comments believed the mother's inclination to change their custody agreement was an overreaction. However, joint decision-making is crucial to raising a successful child in a co-parenting arrangement. Divorce is hard enough for kids as they try to adjust to their new normal which often includes being shuffled back and forth between parents, which is why it's so important for parents to keep things as consistent as possible across households.

“The goal is not to have a perfect co-parenting situation, but to try to maintain an open dialogue between parents as well as with their child so that if and when changes or challenges come up, there is a family culture of working through them as a unit,” child psychologist Irina Gorelik told CNBC.

Though parenting plans often cover the big decisions many parents have to make while raising their kids, smaller issues — such as whether or not to allow ear piercing — may not be overtly covered. In these cases, parents should actively work together whenever possible and consult their parenting agreement at any time they come to an impasse.

Regardless of who was in the right, we can only hope that the relationship between all three can be fixed and that the daughter is happy with both of her parents — and her newly pierced ears.