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Man Tells Girlfriend She Should Be 'Ashamed' For Crying About Her Teen Daughter Not Being A Popular Homecoming Queen Like She Was

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A group of alternative-looking teenagers

A mom is being told she should be "ashamed" after breaking down in tears because her "loser" daughter isn't a popular homecoming queen like she was in high school.

Posting to the "r/AmITheA--hole" (AITA) subReddit, a forum where people go to figure out if they were wrong in a conflict, the mom's boyfriend described the situation.

In his post, he writes that his girlfriend's daughter, a 14-year-old high school freshman, is "the sweetest girl ever," and is doing well in school academically and socially.

He writes that she has a great circle of friends, no trouble with bullies and seems genuinely happy.

So when he came home to find his girlfriend sobbing about how her daughter "is doing in school," he was confused.

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The mom was upset because her teen daughter is a 'loser' instead of being a popular athlete, cheerleader or homecoming queen.

The man writes that his girlfriend's daughter "marches to the beat of her own drum" and loves things like Pokémon, video games and anime, as do her friends, with whom she started an anime club at school.

Her mom, however, was a stereotypical "popular" girl in high school.

The man describes his teen stepdaughter as "a little bit dorky" but "a happy kid" with a large social circle—"just not the circle her mom wishes she was in."

And he was shocked when his girlfriend "referred to her [daughter] as a LOSER during this crying fit."

She also called her daughter a "dweeb" and cried that "she needs to grow out of this before college" and that she herself "wouldn’t have been caught dead with kids that look like that" when she was in high school.

The man was horrified by his girlfriend's comments and told her she was "disgusting and...she should be ashamed of herself" and that she is "lucky...her daughter doesn’t deal with a lot of the issues kids that days have."

His girlfriend was angry that he didn't console her and take her side, so he wondered if he'd done the wrong thing.

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Most commenters on Reddit agreed that the man had nothing to feel guilty for.

One wrote that, "her words are absolutely disgusting. Having a happy, healthy child is what her focus should be, not her popularity."

Another shared the man's sentiment that his "girlfriend should be proud her daughter is an individual who is less likely to give into the peer pressures that can come with teenage years."

And several felt the mom was projecting and telling on herself. As one user put it, "Mom sounds like she was one of those 'popular' kids who used her status to be mean..."

"And now she's upset because her daughter is a nice kid and the type of person she would have enjoyed bullying back in the day."

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Experts say the mom's feelings are all too common—but also toxic and potentially dangerous when parenting teen girls.

In a TikTok video, psychologist Dr. Lucie Hemmen said it's extremely common for parents, especially mothers, to worry about their teen daughters' social lives and become "triggered" if they're not popular.

But she warned parents to be extremely careful because they can end up "transferring your anxiety...to your daughter."



Instead, she suggests parents be "a great listener...and facilitator" by welcoming their teens' friends into their home for social events.

And she recommends parents withhold judgments and opinions about their teens' friends unless they notice toxic dynamics or hurtful behavior.

Otherwise, she says, "you're kind of becoming a teen girl" by insulting your teen's friends, "and that's not helpful for your daughter."

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John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.