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Their baby is days old but the couple are already falling apart. Now, the devastated new mom has turned to Reddit to ask if she should stay or go.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Mar 29, 2023
The first days after bringing home a newborn baby are a tender, vulnerable time. Not only are new parents adjusting to taking care of someone else who needs them to survive, but they’re also doing so with little to no sleep. Add to the mix a C-section recovery, and you have a recipe for lost tempers.
One woman discovered this the hard way on her 11th day postpartum after a C-section birth for her newborn son.
She wrote to Reddit to ask the site’s parenting subreddit, r/parenting, to ask if she should work things out with her husband after he left her alone with the baby because of a fight they had.
The new mom wondered if she should ‘pack up and leave’ after her husband filmed their baby crying to send a video to his friends.
“From day one, my husband had been amazing,” she explained. “Changing diapers, giving breaks, being overall supportive and truly wonderful. But on day 10, something snapped.”
Her husband was watching their son while she cleaned the kitchen. The baby “began whining which quickly turned into a blood-curdling hunger cry.”
“When I looked up, my husband was trying to take video of our baby losing his mind so he could send it to friends with the caption ‘my son hates me,’” the mom stated.
The mom asked her husband to give her the baby so she could feed him. He asked for 'one more moment to finish his video.'
“Our son was losing it,” she said. “I lost it.”
“I demanded he give me the baby and told him how screwed up of a stunt that was. He started sulking, saying the baby hates him. I told him a 10-day-old baby doesn’t know what hate is.”
Her husband “immediately got defensive and said this was ‘his son too” and I needed to chill out or he was going to leave.”
“He then said ‘matter of fact, why don’t you go upstairs so I don’t have to look at your face,’” a statement that is undeniably cruel.
The mom reported that she replied by telling him that “if he doesn’t want to look at my face there were keys and a truck outside and he could remedy that anytime.”
“What I didn’t expect, was that he would,” she wrote. “He left at 7 pm that night and he has not been back since. It has been two days. He is at his best friend's house along with the couple’s 4 children, and their visiting mother-in-law, in a city 45 minutes away.” The woman called him, asking him to come back home and help, so she could “sleep, shower, function.”
As noted by Karen from PregActive, a YouTube channel focused on postpartum health, fitness, and recovery, “In those first early days and weeks [of] a C-section, it’s so important to remember that it is a surgery, and you do need to rest and recover.”
“Never in any sort of recovery do you want to push the limits, particularly in those first few weeks,” she explains.
Despite her surgery and request for support, the new mom’s husband told her she’d kicked him out, “and now all of a sudden [she] wants him to come back.”
“He said no, he would not be doing that and for me to just put the baby down in a swing and take care of him myself. He just wants to sit and enjoy time with his friends.” The mom explained that her husband, who’s 47 years old, has a month off work, ostensibly to help out with their new baby.
She also stated that after their conversation, his best friend’s wife texted her and said, “he’s just taking a breather, he will be home. Wouldn’t you rather him leave than say or do something he would regret? Be confident in yourself. You don’t need a man to take care of your baby! You’ve got this.”
“I couldn’t even respond to that,” the mom exclaimed. “I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Obviously, I can take care of the baby. But ten days after major abdominal surgery and on team no-sleep, it is d–n near impossible to feel any semblance of okay alone.”
She added that “there is no end in sight of when he plans to come back home.” The mom then asked Reddit, “is this a deal breaker or a teachable moment? Should I be packing up to leave? Or should I be sitting down and working this out?” before signing off her posts as “a truly sleep-deprived mother with a sizable flesh wound.”
All of the comments she received outlined how immature and emotionally abusive her husband’s behavior was.
As one person said, “tensions can run high postpartum, but never high enough to leave your wife with an open wound and a newborn baby. This is unforgivable, even with therapy.” Someone else noted that his reaction “sets the stage for every future disagreement.”
They explained their perspective, saying that “you’ll never know if he’s going to blow up and abandon you. Which I feel like is his ultimate objective here. Like it’s some kind of power play.”
Another person suggested that the new mom lean on family and friends for help, if possible, and even look into hiring a postpartum doula to get the support she needs, as she’s not getting that support from her partner. Often, it takes tough times to reveal someone’s character– and unfortunately, this new mom’s husband revealed his character quite clearly.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.