Mom Shares The 'Debatable' Things She Does As A Parent — 'One Day You’re Gonna Leave Me'
Some of her methods are certainly different.
David Pereiras, jhorrocks / Canva Take 100 different parents and you'll probably get 100 different parenting philosophies, and everyone's got an opinion of what does and does not constitute bad parenting.
One mom on TikTok decided to put some of her own parenting practices to the test by sharing them on the app to see what people would think, and it ended up revealing something pretty interesting about how we talk about parenting in general these days.
The mom shared the 'debatable' things she does as a parent to her three young daughters.
Mom and TikToker Lottie Weaver, known as @lottie..weaver on the app, recently made a list of "things that my husband and I do as parents that people probably wouldn't agree with." It was a fairly long list, from how they manage things like homework to how they manage their own relationship.
The mom and her husband take a looser approach to some things many parents would consider moral issues.
For starters, they aren't teaching their kids about any religious beliefs. "I grew up very religious," Weaver said, "nothing wrong with that." But when it comes to raising their kids, she and her husband prefer to keep it simple. "We don't really install any type of religion in our children. We teach them to be a good person," she explained.
She's not into moralizing when it comes to her kids' actions, either. "My biggest goal in life is to have the most honest relationship with my kids," she said. "I tell them all the time, 'I don't care what you did, you could have ran over a cow, robbed a bank, I just want you to be honest and talk to me.'"
Weaver also has a pretty loose take on schooling. "I will help do my kids' homework with them," she said, but what she means by "do my kids' homework" is likely pretty different from a lot of parents. "If my kids are busy or if they're rushing or whatever, I will do it, because I'm not going to have them stress over four freaking math problems," she said.
She also said she tends to do big projects for her kids, because she thinks some of the assignments are a bit much for kids so young — a common complaint among many parents nowadays. In fact, a 2015 study found that kids, including ones as young as first grade, were getting three times the recommended amount of homework and that it was causing not only behavioral problems, but health issues as well.
Weaver also says raising girls who are strong and resilient is her top priority, which means loosening up on other parenting issues, too.
When it comes to germs, sickness and safety? Well, Weaver can't really be bothered getting too worked up about all that, and she says she's gotten judgment from other parents because of it. She explained that aside from a C-section for one of her daughters who was born breach, she birthed both of her other daughters at home, "and people were really weird about it."
"We are definitely, like, a rub some dirt on it type of family," she said, referencing the old joke about how to deal with a kids' skinned knees. I try not to baby my girls a lot," she said. "I mean, I love that I have little beautiful princesses, but I want to raise them to be strong."
And part of that, she says, is modeling for them what a good marriage is — by putting her relationship with her husband first. "We definitely prioritize our relationship," she said of her and her husband. "I always tell my kids, I'm like, one day you're gonna leave me, and you're gonna go live your own life. I have to still like your dad when you leave me."
This includes not holding back on the PDA. "Obviously we keep it appropriate," she said, "but my husband and I are very affectionate physically in front of my children, and I feel like that is very important because I feel like those are... one of the keys to a healthy relationship."
In fact, experts say she's spot on about that. PDA is not only good for the marriage, but studies have found it helps kids feel less anxious.
It's telling that none of these parenting approaches are all that controversial, and that Weaver expected they would be.
If none of these seem particularly problematic to you, you're not alone. In the comments, Weaver's parenting philosophy was met with far more admiration and agreement than criticism.
"I want to be just like you when I'm a mom," one person wrote, while another praised in particular Weaver's commitment to open communication. "My number 1 thing about being a parent," the mom wrote, "is I want my kids to feel like they can talk to me about ANYTHING. I don’t care what it is." Some commenters even said they found the video annoying for how not controversial Weaver's parenting is.
But it's a testament to how much judgment parents, and especially moms, receive today that Weaver felt that anything besides what is often regarded as the perfect, unassailable mother — who dries her child's every tear and pushes them to be a Nobel laureate at the age of 8, or whatever — would get her a tidal wave of hate online.
Perhaps what Weaver's video really reveals is how we need to all work to give parents a bit of a break. The job is hard enough without the constant scrutiny, and most parents, even if they fall short, are doing their best.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.