Mom Refuses To Give Her 10-Year-Old Son An Allowance After Discovering Her Husband Has Been Secretly Taking The Money

Stealing from your own child has got to be a whole new level of low.

A child slips a coin inside a pink piggy bank. Ro_ksy / Shutterstock

A conflicted mother quickly took to Reddit after “accidentally” discovering what her husband had been doing behind her back.

Posting on the “r/AmITheA–hole” subreddit, a forum where anonymous users seek advice on interpersonal conflicts in their lives, the user prefaces that due to her husband’s unemployment, she started giving her 10-year-old son an allowance. 

The mother revealed that her husband had been secretly taking their son’s allowance.

“The problem is that I discovered by accident that my husband has been taking the money from our son to buy his own stuff like [cigarettes] or a drink,” she wrote. “He'd approach our son whenever he has money and tell him he'll buy him what he wants but ends up spending the money on something else, something for [himself] not our son.” 


The mother shared that as a nurse working long hours, she isn’t always around to take her son out, and because their son is not yet old enough to drive, her husband offers to buy things for him while using his allowance.

“Every time our son wants something my husband would be like ‘Hey bud, you want [a] few bags of [Doritos] for you and the other kids? I'll stop by [the] supermarket and get them for you then. That would be $$$,’” she explained.

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In response, her son would give his father the money, anticipating a fair exchange of chips for his allowance once his father returned home from the store. However, when his father did return, the boy was left empty-handed while his father made false promises to buy him something next time.


According to their son, this went on for two months before he finally spoke up to his mother about it.

“Turns out my husband asked not to tell mommy because she'd get mad at him and he'll be in trouble and promised to get him his [stuff] but he never does,” the mother explained. “I had a big fight with my husband about it. He said it wasn't [big] deal since he always [ends] up getting our son the stuff he [wants] 99% of the time. He told me to consider this as ‘gas money’ since he drives xxx of kilometers to the supermarket to buy what our son wants.”

A couple argues over finances.Photo: Shutterstock / fizkes

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After hearing her husband’s dismissive reply, the user accused him of being a thief and taking advantage of their child.

Ultimately, she asserted that she would no longer be giving her son an allowance as a result of her husband’s actions. “He kept negging me saying my son will resent me if I stop handing him money, but I refused to engage any further in the argument and the guilt [trip],” the user stated, adding, “He keeps calling me heartless and financially controlling to take away the allowance. AITA?”

People in the comments were appalled by the husband’s manipulative behavior.

“NTA and I think your problem is way deeper than the allowance issue," one person wrote. "What your husband is doing is a real breach of trust.”

Another comment read, “The father is literally stealing from his own son to buy cigarettes. My blood pressure would be through the roof,” to which someone replied, “Not just stealing, but asking his son to keep secrets from his mother. That's not good or safe. What happens if another adult does something and tells the kid to keep it a secret? He'll think it's normal since his dad does the same thing.”


A father holds out a piggy bank for his son who slips a coin inside.Photo: Shutterstock / Prostock-studio

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Other Redditors gave the mother alternatives to an allowance that would allow her to keep track of her son’s purchases and teach him about finances. “I think a debit card and savings account would be a good idea," a user pointed out. "Not only can she track purchases but the money can be protected via a pin. OP could put her name and the son's name on the account as well as OP could teach her son the importance of private information."


First things first, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. Moreover, there isn’t really a guideline that details what it means to be “good” at raising a child, but there are things that most people would probably deem as a sign of bad parenting. 

One of the biggest issues many parents seem to face is lacking mutual respect for their children.

Parents often misinterpret their relationship with their children as a type of dynamic that adheres to a hierarchical structure within the family where parents have ultimate authority. This idea sets a precedent for children to unquestioningly obey their parents, which further instills the belief that respect can only flow in one direction. In many cases, such as this one, this perception of parenting may even elicit parents to exhibit toxic behaviors and subsequently undervalue their children’s needs and feelings. 

In the end, while people are not hard-wired into knowing how to parent, most would argue that you probably shouldn’t steal money from your kid.


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Xiomara Demarchi is a New York writer and frequent contributor to YourTango’s news and entertainment team. Keep up to date with them on Instagram.