Mom Questions If She's Overreacting After Learning That Her Daughter's Preschool Teacher Was Redoing Her Hair Because It Was 'Messy'

She admitted to feeling frustrated that her daughter's teacher is redoing her hair without permission.

teacher smiling and holding notebook, little girl getting her hair braided, reddit post JGA / Shutterstock; pixelshot via Canva Pro; Reddit

A mom is questioning whether she should bring up a concern she's having with her daughter's preschool teacher.

Posting to the subreddit "r/parenting" — an online public forum where people can discuss the ups and downs of being a parent — she claimed that her daughter's teacher may be overstepping a bit when it comes to her hair.

She learned that her daughter's preschool teacher keeps redoing her daughter's hair at school.

In her Reddit post, the mom explained that she will usually send her daughter to preschool with either her hair braided or in some sort of updo because of how long and extremely curly her hair is, mixed in with the fact that it would be impossible to brush.


However, on a specific day, when her daughter came home from school, she noticed that her hair had been redone, but ultimately ended up brushing it off and not making a fuss. "The first time she redid her hair (pun fully intended) I brushed it off and didn’t think much of it, probably took it out herself or something," she wrote.

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The next day, she sent her daughter to school with a messy bun after the little girl had requested that specific style, only for her to come back home with her hair in braids because, according to her daughter, her preschool teacher thought the bun was too "messy."


mom questions if she is overreacting after learning her daughter's preschool teacher was redoing her hairPhoto: Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock

Again, the mom didn't quite make a big deal out of it, but after it happened a third time, she realized that it was beginning to frustrate her. "I sent her in a braid today," she continued. "[She] slept in [it] so some hair was out around her face but [it was] no big deal. She came home with her hair completely down because [her teacher said], 'Let’s get that hair out of your face.'"

She pointed out that she would have no problem with her daughter's hair being done, except it takes a lot of effort to brush; an effort that her daughter doesn't like. "Brushing this girl's hair is like pulling teeth. Screaming, crying, it hurts before I touch her hair," she shared.


Now, after it has happened on multiple occasions, she admitted that it's beginning to annoy her since she makes a great effort to take care of her daughter's hair

"If I was sending her without it fixed that’s one thing still not okay in my eyes but whatever, I’m not really sure how I should feel. Do I say anything to the teacher? Am I overthinking?" she concluded.

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Many people agreed that the teacher didn't have any malicious intent behind redoing her daughter's hair.

"My daughter often came home last year with a new hairstyle courtesy of the pre-k teacher," one Reddit user wrote. "Those kids play so hard that her hair would get all messed up so the teacher would redo it. I always thought it was sweet."


Another user added, "I really believe you are overthinking this and overreacting. I’d consider it a kindness that your teacher really likes your daughter and is willing to put in that time to make her feel special! If your daughter is okay with it, you should be too."

"My kids come home with different hairstyles all the time. They love the attention from the teacher and honestly, I don’t care," a third user chimed in. "I think it’s sweet that they feel so special when the teacher braids their hair or whatnot."

It's important that teachers respect boundaries set by parents when it comes to their children.

It's understandable why this mother would feel frustrated, especially since she is sending her daughter to school with specific hairstyles that will make it easier for her to care for her daughter's hair.

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If any parent has taken the time to style their child's hair in a particular way for protective reasons, that teacher should respect that choice and not undermine parental decisions without prior communication or consent. 

mom questions if she is overreacting after learning her daughter's preschool teacher was redoing her hairPhoto: Prostock-studio / Shutterstock

This particular mom knows her child's preferences and that brushing her hair can be a painful experience for her daughter, a fact that many parents can relate to. So, it's entirely reasonable for her to want to stick with certain styles to avoid the screaming and crying when it comes time to brush it out.


However, there are certain instances when children do show up to school with messy hairstyles, or their hairstyles become messy throughout the day.

It's clear that this preschool teacher had good intentions, and that she wasn't making the little girl feel uncomfortable by doing her hair, but at the end of the day, it's not her decision to just redo a child's hair without honoring or thinking about her mom's initial choice to send her to school with certain protective styles. 

The only way to solve this issue would be for the mom to just voice her concerns with her daughter's teacher and take it from there.


While some parents wouldn't find an issue with a teacher doing this to their child, it's important to realize that some aspects of parenting are not universal, and it should be up to this mom whether or not she feels comfortable with someone else doing her daughter's hair.

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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.