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She's worried they won't be seen as unique individuals.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Feb 05, 2023
An expectant mom wrote into an advice column seeking help on naming her identical twin daughters.
She told the advice columnist that she and her husband are struggling to agree on names for their soon-to-be-born twins.
The mom-to-be is worried that her husband’s choice of their twins’ names will ruin their lives.
They’re having a hard time agreeing on names for their identical twin girls because her husband wants to give them matching names.
The mom-to-be thinks that giving her twins matching names will make it harder for them to carve out separate identities later in life.
“I’ve heard testimony from numerous twins that this is not a good idea because it makes it harder for them to create an identity,” the mom explained.
Her husband thinks that her concern is “really unimportant.”
He wants his daughters to have rhyming names that begin with different letters.
“He’s been sneaky about it too,” the mom says.
He suggests “names like Isabelle and Eleanor, before suggesting we give them the nicknames Belle and Elle.”
She says that she’s tried to “compromise with theme naming,” explaining that “floral names run in [her] family, and there are plenty of ways we could give our kids names that are flowers that don’t sound anything alike.”
Her husband cuts down her suggestion for themed names by responding that “bad eyesight and crooked teeth” also run in the family, and they “might as well name them after glasses brands or local dentists.”
The frustrated mom voiced her concern that “our fundamental philosophies for picking names are different and neither of us is willing to compromise.”
She explained further, saying that while her husband thinks matching names for their twins would be “cute,” she’s “heard testimony from (perhaps overdramatic identical twins telling [her] that being named Anna and Hannah ruined their lives.”
The mom signed her letter with the pen name “Twin Dilemma.”
The advice columnist responded, first by telling the mom to “Go find your husband and make sure he’s sitting down with you while you read this.”
The advice columnist then states that she herself is an identical twin.
“I am shouting from the rooftops to not give your future daughters rhyming names,” the columnist writes.
She then affirms the expectant mom’s concerns.
“You are absolutely right when you say that those types of names only succeed in making your kids out to be a sideshow or a novelty act instead of individual children who happen to look alike,” the columnist says
Speaking from her own twin experience, the columnist writes “Trust me when I say that finding your own identity as an identical twin can be incredibly difficult, but it’s made exponentially more difficult” when given a matching name.
The columnist offers personal context, saying that she knows “two sets of twins with similar names and they experienced all types of emotional trauma growing up.”
These twins “spent a ton of time and money in therapists’ offices” as a result of having similar names.
The columnist asks, “Why would any rational parent put their children through something like that just because he thinks it would be cute?”
She believes that 'it’s completely ridiculous and selfish' to give twins matching names.
“There’s an endless list of alternatives for names that should satisfy both of you, and you need to do whatever it takes to find them,” the columnist advises, including going to a “marriage counselor or therapist” to figure it out.
“Don’t give in,” the columnist tells the mom. “This should absolutely be a hill you should die on.”
This parent is disregarding the importance of his children forming their own unique identities, which could signify that he sees his twins’ lives as inexorably linked, and can’t see them as individual people, which they clearly are.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.